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Jewish World Review Nov. 9, 2005 / 7 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766 The world can use more difficult people By Karen Heller
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Zsa Zsa Gabor once yelled at me for two hours at the Waldorf
Astoria, calling me dumb, aggravating, arrogant, and, in a
particularly low blow, a New Yorker.
I adored every minute.
Double Z is a prodigiously difficult woman, she appears to yell at
everybody, which makes her a dream subject. The story basically
wrote itself, every quote as exquisite as her jewelry. The moment
served as a revelation, a turning point actually, that it's
preferable to interview challenging people rather than the very
nice. They present more honestly, and expend little energy on false
charm. You never forget them.
There's a need for more difficult women, not necessarily in the
marrying/divorcing/retaining bijoux business — although if they're
not cut out for it, who is? — but in paving the way and making a
mark. We need more women who question the status quo.
One of the problems with Harriet Miers was she seemed obsequious,
too much the sycophant to have the strong determined judgments, the
infallible belief in self necessary to be a Supreme Court justice.
She's the opposite of Judge Judy.
Nice people make for lovely friends but often fail to make a ripple.
The stories we remember, and tell each other, frequently concern the
larger-than-life. The impossible relative can actually be a gift,
bonding other family members together.
Nice is not enough, an editor frequently advises, and she has a
point. Consistently being nice is the art of being vague, as
accommodating as a settee.
The truth about being nice is it's often at the expense of being
something else. Like right or original, making noise, clearing a
path.
Difficult people don't tend to keep to the back of the line, or off
to the side. They can leave a mess, as well as an impression. It's
the difference between, say, Meryl Streep and Sharon Stone. Streep's
astonishing, but it looks like more fun to be Stone.
Women are raised to be nice, to fit in, to do the expected,
anticipate others' needs. Ironically, actresses win awards
portraying difficult women, only to spend their off-screen time
pretending they're really not, and doing considerably more acting in
the process. If actresses and models aren't going to be difficult,
there's no hope for the rest of us.
Most women put off being challenging until we get older, the way we
delay donning odd hats and shoes. It's as though once we stop
putting all that effort into being pretty and liked and nice — ZZ
only bothered with the first — we can get down to speaking our
minds.
Maybe the only way we'll get a female president is when the
candidate reaches the who-cares seniority of Ann Richards or Jeane
Kirkpatrick. (About Madeleine Albright, I am more than annoyed. She
shouldn't be appearing on ``The Gilmore Girls.'' What's next? Condi
Rice on ``One Tree Hill''?)
Age and extraordinary circumstances, usually crises, grant women
leeway to be pronounced in our opinions, to question and prod, even
shout. With age, people get stuck in their ways and vexed when
others think differently.
So you realize what's coming with the graying of the baby boom?
We're going to be overwhelmed by a republic of irascible, exacting,
demanding pains-in-the-cellulite people, all wanting to have things
their way and wanting them now.
There's already ample evidence. Selecting restaurants takes on the
importance of U.N. talks, involving more planning than dining.
Complaints exponentially increase like wine glasses, but not in a
good way.
Presents become blatant suggestions, or a gesture of brand identity,
reflective entirely of the giver. Loud talking is prevalent, even in
the absence of hearing loss. It's a way for know-it-alls, a seeming
by-product of middle age, to deliver declarative statements as if
they were papal edicts.
Still, I'm looking forward to an influx of difficult women,
especially those who think big, not so much at the corner cafe or,
in ZZ's case, the jewelry store, but where it matters most, in
politics, the arts, comedy, the office, the marketplace, the
dynamics of family life, the world at large.
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Karen Heller is a columnist for Philadelphia Inquirer. Comment by clicking here. © 2005, The Philadelphia Inquirer Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services. |
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