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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 3, 2005 / 1 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766

Why the undisturbed life is not worth living

By Garrison Keillor


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | A person can learn a great deal if you're lucky enough to get into serious trouble and of course it's more beneficial if you do it when you're young. But trouble is a good teacher at any time and it's a shame so many people try to skip the School of Hard Knocks. If only they knew the good it would do them.

For example, maybe you have a child in youth hockey. It's not how you had planned to spend your middle years, chauffeuring a four-year-old to practice MWF 5 a.m. and three games on the weekend, but this will be good for you someday. You sit in the cold arena, watching your boy, a winger for the Junior Cougars in the Skeeter League, careening around in $500 worth of skates and pads and gloves. You have ponied up $1,000 for ice time, since no kids skate on outdoor ice anymore, due to global warming.

This is not how you remember hockey from boyhood — you remember a backyard rink, old magazines for shin pads, a cardboard box for a goal and no adults in sight — but your boy loves the Junior Cougars and so here you are, watching tiny armadillos in orange jerseys scuffling on ice.

And then a gent with a white crew cut plops down by you and informs you that the Skeeter League is short on coaches and that Brad, the guy in warm-up pants skating around and blowing his whistle, will be leaving the Cougars to coach the Weasels, and could you fill in temporarily? And suddenly you're the coach, though you don't know much about hockey, not compared to the mothers who sit behind the bench at the games and call out in their klaxon voices: "HUSTLE HUSTLE HUSTLE!! — We need a goal, come on. HIT HIM. HIT HIM. BACKCHECK! HUSTLE HUSTLE HUSTLE!! — DIG-DIG-DIG!!! HEY, REF — IT'S A GOOD GAME, WHY DON'T YOU WATCH IT??" And a couple weeks later your five-year-old daughter discovers hockey and becomes a goalie for the Mighty Mites in the Ice Maiden League, who practice TThF at 1 a.m. and play Sat 10 a.m. and Sun 1 p.m. And you discover the benefits of Dexedrine.

There are no more dinner parties for you, no movies, no concerts, and at work your colleagues start calling you Dozer. Your midlife crisis arrives early. You feel a powerful attraction to the waitress at Bub's Brew Shack. You screech at other drivers on the freeway. You are in trouble.

One Sunday morning, the Junior Cougars are trailing the Marmots 4-1 in the third period, and one of the harpies asks why you don't keep your best line on the ice longer, and you reach around to admonish her and accidentally punch her in the left breast, and she files sexual assault charges, and you're called up before the grand jury and — who knows why — you tell them you were at home watching Tim Russert on "Meet the Press" and the D.A., an intense guy named Gerald Fitzpatrick, nails you for lying, and you lose your job.

But it passes. Eventually it passes. You're acquitted. Your son, never a strong skater, develops an interest in writing poetry — no special equipment needed, just paper and pen. And one morning you wake up and come downstairs and fix coffee and open up the newspaper and suddenly you are struck by the grandeur of personal freedom. It's morning and you don't have to drive a carload of Junior Cougars to practice and your name isn't in the newspaper along with the words "sexual assault." Life is darned good.

On New Year's Day, I plan to take a flight to Oslo and then fly north to the city of Tromso, 400 kilometers north of the Arctic Circle, in hopes of seeing the northern lights and dog-sledding across a glacier but really it's to get some trouble into my life, which has become too placid. There is no sunrise or sunset in Tromso in January, just darkness. When I return, I will not ever feel bad about winter again, and in Minnesota, that means six months of happiness. One cannot ask for more.

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Garrison Keillorís "A Prairie Home Companion" can be heard Saturday nights on public radio stations across the country. Comment by clicking here.

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© 2005 by Garrison Keillor. All rights reserved. Distributed by Tribune Media Services, INC.

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