Jewish World Review Nov. 23, 2005 / 21 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Heidi Fleiss announced Friday she will run a brothel in
Nevada that's staffed by men and caters to female customers. This
was great news at the Comedy Store in Hollywood. After five years
Bill Clinton impersonators have a place to work again.
West Virginia coal producers offered employees pay raises
and improved benefits Sunday in addition to signing bonuses to
attract new coal miners. This tells us something very important
about today's economy. Mexicans are afraid of the dark.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were ordered by a judge Friday to
stop security pat-downs at the stadium entrance. The guards have
an impossible job. Thanks to the obesity epidemic in America,
everyone's got love handles the size of suicide belts.
French president Jacques Chirac on Friday extended the state
of emergency until February. Under emergency regulations, men who
live in the Paris suburbs can't go out after dark. The hottest
business in France right now is mistresses who deliver.
Major League Baseball received bids Friday from eight groups
who want to own the Washington Nationals. What a concept. If the
Pentagon had applied this idea in Iraq two years ago, Baghdad
would be complaining about too much electricity today.
Iraq's president Jalal Talabani asked Sunday for talks with
Saddam Hussein's outlawed Baath Party. They may agree to it. All
they ask for in return is that Saddam Hussein get a Los Angeles
jury and no problem with the civil suit afterwards.
The Iraqi wife of a suicide bomber was interviewed on Arab television Sunday about her own failed bomb. Americans were horrified watching her being escorted to the microphones. She's only been single a few days and already she's dating again.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton