Jewish World Review Nov. 18, 2005 / 16 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Weather Channel reported bad weather in the South
Wednesday as tornadoes roared into Kentucky and Tennessee. That's
where they distill Wild Turkey and Jack Daniel's. Hurricane
refugees from Dallas drove in to help evacuate the bottles.
Alabama former football coach Mike Price settled his lawsuit
Tuesday against Sports Illustrated. The magazine said he got drunk
and partied with strippers. In addition to an apology the coach is
demanding his settlement in five-dollar bills.
The Country Music Association Awards aired Tuesday, honoring
the biggest stars in country music. You can tell the national mood
is turning by the acceptance speeches. All the winners thanked the
association and insisted that Bush meant well.
Major League Baseball reached an agreement with the players
union Tuesday to clean up the use of performance-enhancing drugs
by players. On the banned list is amphetamines. It doesn't look
good when a grown man steals second base from third.
The Dalai Lama met with House Speaker Denny Hastert on
Wednesday about Chinese oppression. He's a wise man. Denny Hastert
is third in line for the presidency and you don't have to be a
monk from Tibet to know who's the man to see around here.
Bob Woodward admitted Wednesday he was told CIA agent
Valerie Plame's identity but he wouldn't reveal who told him. The
reporter has a keen intellect. It only took him one minute to
spend the entire ten million dollar book advance in his mind.
Denver voters were blasted by parents groups Monday for
legalizing marijuana possession. It's not for the kids. It's the
only thing that helps the headaches that seniors get when they try
to understand the new Medicare prescription drug plan.
President Bush flew to South Korea Wednesday for the Asia
Pacific Economic Conference. He met with South Korean leaders
about the problem of North Korea's insane behavior. They just
placed the image of Terrell Owens on their national flag.
New Orleans police revealed statistics Wednesday showing that the crime rate in their city is down to almost zero following Hurricane Katrina. It chased out ten thousand hardened criminals. Hurricane Katrina is in such huge demand it had to get an agent to field all the phone calls from cities who can't afford Rudy Giuliani.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton