Jewish World Review Nov. 11, 2005 / 9 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Pete Rose Jr. pleaded guilty Monday to selling the drug GBL.
It's used as a steroid or a date rape drug or as an auto engine
lubricant. These pills are so dangerous that a box of them can
convert any city in America to Los Angeles in two hours.
Paris continued burning Wednesday as rioting by Muslim and
North African gangs spread through the country from Lyons to
Marseilles. The French cabinet is at its wits' end as to how to
restore order. They are this close to calling in the Germans.
House Republicans couldn't muster the votes Wednesday to
open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling.
Nobody wants to be in a campaign attack ad next to a picture of a
dead caribou. Sixty years ago Walt Disney had no idea the oil he
would cost America when he made the artistic decision to kill
Senator Jon Corzine was elected governor of New Jersey on
Tuesday. He made hundreds of millions in the stock market, then
got elected senator, then dumped his wife, and now he dates
around. Let no one say the Democrats don't have an agenda.
Tom Cruise fired his sister as his publicist Tuesday after
she almost ended his career. He fired her just in time. The final
straw came when she told him to jump up and down on Oprah's sofa
next week and proclaim his love for Liza Minnelli.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's ballot initiatives lost in California on Tuesday. He thought he could beat the teachers union, the nurses union, the firefighters union and the widows of police officers. It's something for both parties to remember the next time they are tempted to think movie stars have the sense G-d gave a goose.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton