Jewish World Review Nov. 7, 2005 / 5 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Paris remained under siege Friday as North African Muslims
rioted and looted and burned poor neighborhoods. Hundreds of cars
are on fire. With what they pay for gas over there it's no
surprise the Ford Pinto is the best selling car in France.
Bill Clinton said Friday that Hillary would make a terrific
president. From his mouth to G-d's ear. The idea of Bill Clinton
inside the White House with nothing to do has comedians facing the
Playboy Mansion and praying three times a day.
U.S. Senator Jim Bunning introduced legislation in Congress
Thursday that would impose a two-year suspension on pro athletes
who use illegal drugs, with a lifetime ban for a second offense.
Athletes are furious. They can't all play for Denver.
Supreme Court nominee Sam Alito's hearings were set for
January. The president wanted them in December. However, Democrats
asked Santa Claus for an extra month to dig up dirt and he gave it
to them in exchange for a ban on North Pole drilling.
Supreme Court nominee Sam Alito's confirmation, it was
reported Tuesday, would give the court its fifth Catholic justice
alongside two Jewish justices. That's such progress. Who would
have thought as recently as twenty years ago that an Anglo-Saxon
Protestant would be a diversity pick?
Consumer Reports said Tuesday that airfares were raised
fifteen percent last week. The airlines get a travel rush every
November. Thanksgiving is the time of year when American families
make every possible effort to get together at half-time.
Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman said Tuesday that graffiti taggers should have their thumbs cut off on television. It's weird. Apparently all the nuclear waste they store in Yucca Mountain causes Las Vegas leaders to mutate into Iraqi dictators.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton