Jewish World Review Nov. 3, 2005 / 1 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Prince Charles was given a reception at the Museum of Modern
Art in New York featuring organic food. The locals loved it.
Organic food is very popular with New Yorkers because of the
widely held belief that it makes the cocaine work faster.
The Kennedy Center in Washington announced it will host
country music concerts in March. It's the perfect venue for
ballads about alcohol and car wrecks and cheating husbands. All
successful country songs are Kennedy biographies set to music.
Woody Allen gave an interview to Vanity Fair to mark his
seventieth birthday this month. It was in two parts. The interview
was interrupted when he had to rush off to Columbia Presbyterian
Hospital to attend the birth of his fourth wife.
Air Force Academy coach Fisher DeBerry apologized Friday for
saying he prefers black halfbacks because they are faster. White
halfbacks cause needless game delays. Equipment managers keep
having to halt play to make sure their plows are on straight.
Senate Democrats invoked a special rule and called a closed
session Tuesday. That means they turn off the cameras and lock the
doors and send the staff home. It's what Los Angeles weather
forecasters call the perfect conditions to kill your wife today.
Senate Democrats surprised the Republicans by forcing a
closed session Tuesday. They wanted to discuss a secret report on
secret intelligence in a secret session. Compared to the American
government, the Mafia operates like Shakespeare in the Park.
The Supreme Court heard arguments Tuesday on whether an
Indian congregation in New Mexico can use hallucinogenic tea in
their religious ceremonies. It's only right. We used whisky to get
their land, why not use LSD to get their casinos?
General Motors and Ford and Chrysler on Tuesday reported a huge drop-off in sales of cars in October. They could go bankrupt. The offshore drilling that could save the Big Three depends on convincing Southern Californians that it's just a seagull.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton