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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 12, 2003 / 17 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764

What's a nice Jewish boy doing in a place like this?

By Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder

http://www.jewishworldreview.com | When we were growing up, every Jewish mother wanted her son to become a doctor. A Jewish mother would look at her newborn son and dream of the day when she would be able to point to him as "My son, the doctor." She would look at the infant's fingers and say, "He could be a pianist with those fingers," but she really would like to say, "He has the hands of a surgeon." Then, with time, the compromises begin.


If he was not so bright, then he could be a lawyer and, if he was even dumber, he could always be an accountant — but a politician — never!



A Jewish mother would want her son to enter the cesspool of politics? NEVER!
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There is a certain illogic in all of this. For instance, nobody ever heard of a Jewish mugger. The truth is that everybody knows Jews are muggers — but they are called lawyers. Of all the other available businesses, occupations and professions, in the history of the world, no one has ever heard of a Jewish mother wanting her child to be a politician.


In America, most politicians are lawyers. A politician can do to a whole country what a lawyer-mugger can only do to one person at a time. But still, Jewish mothers will not wish their sons into politics.


The most obvious reason why a Jewish mother would not want her child to be a politician is because it is not steady work. A politician gets a job and even if he does it well, after the next election, he could be collecting unemployment insurance. Even Churchill, who did a magnificent job in leading Britain to victory in a war in which his country's very existence was at stake, was himself bombed out of office.


Another reason why Jewish parents do not want their children to become politicians is they feel a politician must, of necessity, call attention to himself. The old maxim is, "The nail that stands up is the one that gets hit with the hammer."


Recently, but for Florida — which incidentally has one of the largest Jewish populations in America — this country came close to having a Jew as its Vice President. As a matter of fact, Joseph Lieberman received more votes than the team that actually was declared the winner because of America's peculiar system of the Electoral College. Interestingly enough, many Jews did not vote for Senator Lieberman because they believed their future was more secure if a Jew were not in the public spotlight, running the country.


Jews have been blamed for everything from the two World Wars to economic collapses to genetic diseases. As it is, in the twisted thinking of some Muslim fanatics who not only claim that Israel is an aggressor nation and the cause of most of the world's present problems, in lunatic fashion they even claim that the Jews were responsible for the World Trade Center bombing — that they had advance warning, evacuating the Center before the planes struck. And speaking of lunatics, Hitler claimed as proof that the Jews controlled the American media was that the Times backwards spelled "Semit" (apparently, in addition to his other shortcomings, he also could not spell) and that Roosevelt's real name was Rosenfeld.

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The longstanding charge was that in America, Jews controlled the media and by financing the political parties, they were responsible for American foreign and domestic policy decisions. But America has never had a leader nationally elected, whereas Britain has had a born-one — though he converted — and may very well, in the person of Michael Howard, soon have another.


. Undoubtedly, there will be a charge born out of the twisted logic of fanatics that Michael Howard, if he became Prime Minister, obtained that office by a skein of events whereby the first step was the World Trade Center destruction — of course, caused by Jews. So what if they were all Muslim fanatics. If it were not for the Jews, they would not be fanatics, and would all be driving cabs in N.Y.C. After the World Trade Center outrage, Bush declared war on terrorism because of Jewish pressure. Then, Tony Blair was sucked into the process barely surviving with his credibility intact, leaving the door open for Michael Howard to become Prime Minister. It makes perfect geometric logic — if they let a person out of the asylum long enough to make this charge.


If Mr. Howard really wants to be Prime Minister, we have two suggestions. One: Play down the Romania connection. Mr. Howard's family comes from Romania. We are sure the Romanians are very fine people and they have accomplished great things, but unfortunately, we can't think of any of them and thank Heaven they did not do them in our neighborhood. The only famous Romanian we know was Dracula, and he is not the sort of fellow you'd invite out for a drink, unless you feel blood loss is a legitimate method of losing weight. And there is also the recipe for Romanian chicken stew that begins, "First you steal a chicken...".


Two: Ditch the Mets. Mr. Howard is a fan of American baseball but, unfortunately, he picked the New York Mets who have about the same chance of winning the championship as does Yasser Arafat of going to a burlesque show with Ariel Sharon. Support the other New York team, the Yankees. When they lose, they lose with class. Their losing gets more press than other teams winning. Even Hillary Clinton, who obviously thought that the Yankees were a bunch of people who won the Civil War, disturbed her hairdo enough to put on a Yankee cap for the photographers.


As Home Secretary, Mr. Howard pressed for a "Three strikes, you're out policy." In baseball, that is certainly the rule (ask the Mets), but in politics sometimes it's "One strike, you're out."


But, also, sometimes even a new player can hit a home run the first time at bat.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and in the media consider "must reading." Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributors Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder need no introduction. Comment on this column by clicking here.

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© 2003, Jackie Mason & Raul Felder