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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
Nov. 12, 2003
/ 17 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764
What's a nice Jewish boy doing in a place like this?
By
Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder
http://www.jewishworldreview.com |
When we were growing up, every Jewish mother wanted her son to become a doctor. A Jewish mother would look at her newborn son and dream of the day when she would be able to point to him as "My son, the doctor." She would look at the infant's fingers and say, "He could be a pianist with those fingers," but she really would like to say, "He has the hands of a surgeon." Then, with time, the compromises begin.
If he was not so bright, then he could be a lawyer and, if he was even dumber, he could always be an accountant — but a politician — never!
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A Jewish mother would want her son to enter the cesspool of politics? NEVER! |
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There is a certain illogic in all of this. For instance, nobody ever heard of a Jewish mugger. The truth is that everybody knows Jews are muggers — but they are called lawyers. Of all the other available businesses, occupations and professions, in the history of the world, no one has ever heard of a Jewish mother wanting her child to be a politician.
In America, most politicians are lawyers. A politician can do to a whole country what a lawyer-mugger can only do to one person at a time. But still, Jewish mothers will not wish their sons into politics.
The most obvious reason why a Jewish mother would not want her child to be a politician is because it is not steady work. A politician gets a job and even if he does it well, after the next election, he could be collecting unemployment insurance. Even Churchill, who did a magnificent job in leading Britain to victory in a war in which his country's very existence was at stake, was himself bombed out of office.
Another reason why Jewish parents do not want their children to become politicians is they feel a politician must, of necessity, call attention to himself. The old maxim is, "The nail that stands up is the one that gets hit with the hammer."
Recently, but for Florida — which incidentally has one of the largest Jewish populations in America — this country came close to having a Jew as its Vice President. As a matter of fact, Joseph Lieberman received more votes than the team that actually was declared the winner because of America's peculiar system of the Electoral College. Interestingly enough, many Jews did not vote for Senator Lieberman because they believed their future was more secure if a Jew were not in the public spotlight, running the country.
Jews have been blamed for everything from the two World Wars to economic collapses to genetic diseases. As it is, in the twisted thinking of some Muslim fanatics who not only claim that Israel is an aggressor nation and the cause of most of the world's present problems, in lunatic fashion they even claim that the Jews were responsible for the World Trade Center bombing — that they had advance warning, evacuating the Center before the planes struck. And speaking of lunatics, Hitler claimed as proof that the Jews controlled the American media was that the Times backwards spelled "Semit" (apparently, in addition to his other shortcomings, he also could not spell) and that Roosevelt's real name was Rosenfeld.
The longstanding charge was that in America, Jews controlled the media and by financing the political parties, they were responsible for American foreign and domestic policy decisions. But America has never had a leader nationally elected, whereas Britain has had a born-one — though he converted — and may very well, in the person of Michael Howard, soon have another.
. Undoubtedly, there will be a charge born out of the twisted logic of fanatics that Michael Howard, if he became Prime Minister, obtained that office by a skein of events whereby the first step was the World Trade Center destruction — of course, caused by Jews. So what if they were all Muslim fanatics. If it were not for the Jews, they would not be fanatics, and would all be driving cabs in N.Y.C. After the World Trade Center outrage, Bush declared war on terrorism because of Jewish pressure. Then, Tony Blair was sucked into the process barely surviving with his credibility intact, leaving the door open for Michael Howard to become Prime Minister. It makes perfect geometric logic — if they let a person out of the asylum long enough to make this charge.
If Mr. Howard really wants to be Prime Minister, we have two suggestions. One: Play down the Romania connection. Mr. Howard's family comes from Romania. We are sure the Romanians are very fine people and they have accomplished great things, but unfortunately, we can't think of any of them and thank Heaven they did not do them in our neighborhood. The only famous Romanian we know was Dracula, and he is not the sort of fellow you'd invite out for a drink, unless you feel blood loss is a legitimate method of losing weight. And there is also the recipe for Romanian chicken stew that begins, "First you steal a chicken...".
Two: Ditch the Mets. Mr. Howard is a fan of American baseball but, unfortunately, he picked the New York Mets who have about the same chance of winning the championship as does Yasser Arafat of going to a burlesque show with Ariel Sharon. Support the other New York team, the Yankees. When they lose, they lose with class. Their losing gets more press than other teams winning. Even Hillary Clinton, who obviously thought that the Yankees were a bunch of people who won the Civil War, disturbed her hairdo enough to put on a Yankee cap for the photographers.
As Home Secretary, Mr. Howard pressed for a "Three strikes, you're out policy." In baseball, that is certainly the rule (ask the Mets), but in politics sometimes it's "One strike, you're out."
But, also, sometimes even a new player can hit a home run the first time at bat.
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JWR contributors Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder need no introduction. Comment on this column by clicking here.
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