The Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears shook hands with each other and hugged each other before they stood on the sidelines for the National Anthem Thursday night. It all worked out just fine. It shows Americans that bi-partisan cooperation is achievable only through concussions.
• House leaders hinted Friday that Obamacare repeal and the tax cut debate may drag into the next year. Members draw their full salaries if they pass nothing. Congressmen must drive their own cars in Washington D.C. because cab drivers refuse to pick up people who are statistically likely to rob them.
• Defense Secretary General James Mattis survived an attempt by the Taliban to try to kill him with a surprise attack on the Kabul airport when he paid U.S. troops a surprise visit last week. The general has a bear rug at home on the floor of his den. The bear is not dead, he's just afraid to move.
• NASA announced Tuesday that it has been testing a supersonic jet passenger airliner that can fly four times the speed of sound. They say this airliner would be able to go to New York City from London in thirty minutes. That's faster than it takes a car to go to New York City from New York City.
• Alabama Judge Roy Moore won the GOP Senate nomination Tuesday. He became famous by refusing a court order to take down the Ten Commandments at their Capitol. Lawyers, legislators, mistresses and lobbyists had sued, saying the Ten Commandments create a hostile work environment.
• President Trump called and congratulated Judge Roy Moore for winning the GOP primary in Alabama even though the president campaigned for his opponent Luther Strange. The judge is sure to win the general election this November. Alabama will go Democrat when Hell goes Methodist.
• Cal State honored black student demands to allow for segregated blacks-only dorms. It follows a state secession movement, states' rights claims for sanctuary cities, and free-trade support. The only question now is, will Jerry Brown will pose for his statue while wearing a Confederate
• The National Anthem protests reaction split on partisan lines Monday. A Harvard study shows that patriotic rituals turn young people into conservatives. Teachers must be horrified that it only takes an English drinking song and a beautiful flag to undo twelve years of public school education.
• Saudi Arabia yielded to international pressure and lifted its ban on allowing women to operate a motor vehicle Tuesday It opens up a whole new world. Saudis can finally go to a movie theater and watch Thelma and Louise in its entirety, not just the twelve minutes where women aren't driving.
• North Korea's foreign minister said at the UN Monday that a state of war now exists between North Korea and the U.S. He said they'll start shooting down U.S. planes. When reporters asked North Korea's foreign minister what life is like under such a brutal regime, he said he can't complain.
• President Trump hosted Spain's prime minister Tuesday and said he'll visit Puerto Rico next week. The U.S. used gunboats to seize Puerto Rico, Cuba, Guam and the Philippines from Spain in 1898. Then Spain counter-attacked with the birth rate and looks set to win back all of North America.
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