In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 19, 2012/ 3 Mar-Cheshvan, 5773

Romney and Obama Yuk It Up

By Roger Simon

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The Al Smith dinner in New York is a true test for the modern presidential candidate: Can he deliver hilarious lines written for him by somebody else?

The difficulty is in not cracking up, since the candidates are often hearing the lines for the first time themselves.

The lines are always satirical and funny. But, as I have had recent cause to point out, “satire is the lie that tells the truth.”

So here are the “truths” - - spoken in jest, of course - - by Mitt Romney and Barack Obama Thursday night in Manhattan.

But first, one of the best lines of the dinner, which is sponsored by the Catholic Archdiocese of New York, came from the host, Al Smith IV: “Gov. Romney, your father was born in Mexico and had five kids. Are you sure you’re not Catholic?”

Smith also pointed out that all the men on the multi-tiered dais in the Waldorf-Astoria hotel ballroom were dressed in white tie and tails, “Or, as Gov. Romney calls it, business casual.”

Romney rose and noted that New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was at the dinner and is known as a man with presidential ambitions. “Gov. Cuomo may be getting ahead of himself,” Romney pointed out. “He has put in one term as governor, he has a father who was governor and he thinks that is enough to run for president!”

All his comments were met with laughter, and I will let you insert that response after each of these:

“Usually when I get invited to gatherings like this, it’s to be the designated driver.”

“My tip for debate prep is, first, refrain from alcohol for 65 years.”

“It’s good to have someone you can depend on at the end of the day. I have my wife, Ann. President Obama has Bill Clinton.”

Romney also said the media would probably be unfair to him: “The headlines will be: ‘Obama embraced by Catholics, Romney dines with rich people.’ ”

He then ended on a serious and gracious note, by saying of Obama, “We don’t carry the burden of disliking each other. He has many fine gifts and a wonderful family that would make any man proud. There’s more to life than politics.”

Obama then approached the lectern to speak and got a standing ovation. “Everyone please take your seats,” he said, “otherwise Clint Eastwood will yell at them.”

Speaking a little longer than Romney, Obama followed with:

“I had a lot more energy in the second debate. I was well rested after the nice long nap I had during the first debate.”

“Four years ago, I gave Chris Matthews a thrill up his leg. At the first debate, I gave him a stroke.”

“Earlier, I went shopping at stores in Midtown. I understand Gov. Romney went shopping FOR stores in midtown.”

“Unemployment is at the lowest since I took office. I don’t have a joke here. I just wanted to remind people.”

Obama also added a serious note, pointing out that “family man and loving father are two titles that matter more than any political ones.”

But he got off a great line in preparation for Monday’s final presidential debate in Boca Raton, Fla.

“The next debate is on foreign policy,” Obama said. “Spoiler alert: We got bin Laden.”

That’s all, folks!

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and in the media consider "must reading." Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment on Roger Simon's column by clicking here.

Roger Simon Archives

© 2009, Creators Syndicate