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May: Al Qaeda vs. Hezbollah Harvard Health Letters: Fighting back against allergy season Kimberly Lankford: Grandparents who use FSA to cover grandkid's braces and other must-know info Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom:J ewish Tony Nominees/Tony Awards; Jewish Teen Actor In Sci-Fi Flick; Jewish singer in "Voice" finals The Kosher Gourmet by Anjali Prasertong: A tart filling so good it might not make it to the crust June 5, 2013 John Rosemond: Mom, Dad: Talk More and listen less Kristen Chick: Egypt court sentences 43 pro-democracy workers to prison Sharon Palmer, R.D.: Mushrooms Have Medicinal As Well As Culinary Value Morgan Housel: Why you never learn from your investment mistakes Don Lee: In China, kindergarten rivalry takes deadly turn The Kosher Gourmet by Sara Kate Gillingham-Ryan: 30-Minute Coq au Vin isn't a dream June 3, 2013 Molly Hennessy-Fiske: Military judge to consider letting Fort Hood shooting defendant represent himself Richard A. Serrano: Pvt. 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Jewish World Review Oct. 21, 2012/ 5 Mar-Cheshvan, 5773 Betting on a celebrity calamity By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) It started as a fun idea among women friends but now it’s on, witches. On like unto Donkey Kong. Meet my celebrity fantasy league team: Mamarazzi. The name practically ensures that I’ll beat the other seven teams in our league. Turns out you don’t have to limit fantasy drafts to football or baseball as Duh Hubby has done for years. No, no. Turns out that there’s such a thing as a fantasy league in which you earn points each time a member of your roster of carefully chosen celebs gets a magazine cover or even a mention in the “People” chatter column. Or even an inside photo. Points are, sadly, deducted for stints in rehab. I was over the moon when, after drawing numbers and drafting fourth, I got my all-time No. 1 choice: Britney Dammit Spears! The rest of my team includes Adele (who should hatch soon enough to catapult Mamarazzi into first place in 8 weeks), Demi Moore, and Amanda Bynes. My alternates are Gwyneth Paltrow and scary low-talking New Jersey “Real Housewife” Dina Manzo. My guy team is: Ashton Kutcher, Ceelo, Jason Segal and paparazzi magnet Leo DiCaprio. My kid pick is Sasha Obama. I know what you’re thinking: “What is she talking about? I’m going to do the Cryptoquote now.” No! Don’t do it! Listen up! This is, finally, a way to make all those hours of, ahem, “research” pay off. I’ll admit I’m a little heavy on the ladies most likely to drink too much and end up wobbling on a La Cienega median wearing nearly nothing, but still – my team is golden. Of course, the other team owners think the same and a few of them actually have something of a shot. I’m still more than a little cheesed that I didn’t get Reese Witherspoon or my No. 1 boy pick, Prince William. Truthfully, Sasha was only my third choice, coming after sad-eyed Suri Cruise or that darling little Chaz Bono-to-be, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. Still, Team Mamarazzi will triumph. I know it as sure as I know that Jennifer Garner will continue throwing a litter and John Mayer will give Katy Perry a parting gift that requires penicillin. I live, eat and breathe pop culture. That said, I openly wept when my new “People” arrived with stupid Blake Lively’s wedding photos all over it. I don’t get any points because the draft wasn’t in time for it to count this week. Soooo, while her Charleston plantation wedding to Ryan Reynolds (Scarjo’s alliterative ex) was lovely and all, it would’ve been much more useful to me if they had waited one stinkin’ week. Celebrities are so self-absorbed, am I right? You’re probably thinking this tracking and scoring takes time but thank goodness for the folks at www.celebrityfantasydraft.com. They upload standings every week. A friend who doesn’t have a team likes my chances: “I bet Britney melts down on “X Factor” this week,” she said. “From your mouth to God’s ears,” I said somberly. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Celia Rivenbark is the New York Times bestselling author of 'You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl'. Undergarments on parade All the news that's fit . . . for the toilet Nutty? Or just too much Nutella? Have a seat . . . if you dare Motherhood, Hollywood style Parents, kids don't want you at games Parents, kids don't want you at games It was fine . . . until they called it 'pink slime' She'll miss Walmart's 'aggressive hospitality' Pageant mom wastes dollars, lacks sense When counter intuitiveness fails Dear older folks: Think before you ink They let their thumbs do the walking . . . to the wrong phone Congressional plans lacking horse sense She's Forever Lazy, so butt out It was famous while it lasted: Celebrities as marital guest stars It's all about the ‘Sass-poles’ Mothers and daughters and books, oh my Her Klout starts with a ‘k’ She's naming names . . . Smurf style Copying her daughter? That's so Lohan! A few swift kicks in the seat Buy my %*&^ing book! Shellacked in a foreign language College degree can be had in 3 days She'll take names, and then call them losers I beg of you, spare the ‘Children’ Release the hoards Brace yourself for a luxurious smile, and a big bill Speaking her mind by pushing his buttons She'll have another shot of mugs Polygamy may only get one season A picture is worth $1,000 for retouching Not cancer, still a big fat pain A text is worth 1,000 words Ready for some laughs again Now men don't have to work out either Hormones rule home of Princess and mom Add some oohing, cooing to your kitchen Tweeting puppy a perfect pet … for twerps Science fair spurs on hyper parents Cat naps aren't all that popular among felines Nightmare in the mall's dead zone America: Cut out the need to be cute Taking a page from a ‘Mad’ mother She's adding truth serum to her Cap'n Crunch Snuggie ensnares another victim, er, admirer Florida can keep its snakes She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? Butter buds: Julia and Celia Facebook is for ‘old’ people, too, missy Ch-ch-ch-changes Getting refreshment not berry smooth in age of mass marketing Reality show lowers her IQ to sub-dirt levels Cuddle parties are the latest weird trend Middle school is a whole new game and these players are vicious If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I? Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends Big family, big ratings, big mess Fred Mertz for vice president Women and tools are like grease, water Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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