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Jewish World Review
Oct. 23, 2012 / 7 Mar-Cheshvan, 5773
The Ballad of Islamist Rage Boy
By
A. Barton Hinkle
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
They made a movie I don't like — at least, I'm pretty sure; I haven't really seen it yet; the flick is frightfully obscure. It's out there somewhere, though — a fact that drives me nuts. And that is why my friends and I all hate your stinking guts. We'd like to kill you slowly — soon, with lots of pain and blood — For letting anyone produce such narrow-minded crud. You've hurt our feelings — mocked our Prophet — made us blow a gasket. We won't find any peace until your head is in a basket. A stoning, for such blasphemy, might also be required By those of us who are by grace and tolerance inspired. With sticks and stones we'll break your bones while you complain and snivel For having the audacity to imply that we're uncivil. Don't feel too bad — it's not just you; we also plan to slaughter Any mother or her son who tries to teach a daughter Math or science, prose or verse, or other learned arts. Stultifying minds, you see, is how we capture hearts. We shot one girl the other day — Malala is her name. Despite the many protests, we feel not a whit of shame. Defying us, she tried to learn, and now she's in our debt — For she's been taught a lesson that she will not soon forget. We're also torching schools when we catch them teaching girls — There's nothing like the morning smell of smoking flesh and curls. Our methods may be stern, but with God's blessing we'll persist 'Til every girls' school puts a sign up, reading: "Class Dismissed." We're waging war as well on what we deem immodest dress. The passions it can stir we all must instantly repress, For otherwise, one cannot tell where such things could be leading; Without us men, the women might display improper breeding. An inter-gender glance that lingers could ignite intense emotions That could distract a man and woman from their Heavenly devotions Such as love, and joy, and tenderness — and others we disparage As having no befitting role within a proper marriage. So it's our duty to ensure the ladies all stay chaste — And those who don't, for their own good, must quickly be de-faced By veiling, slashing, stoning, or a simple vial of acid. That's the ticket that we use to keep our members flaccid. We've built some scaffolds, too, for men who lie with men. They did that once in Sodom, but won't do it here again. We'll stretch their necks with solid rope we've twisted into nooses — That will stop those fellows cold, and dry up all their juices. For thieves we keep a vorpal blade, for cleaving hand from arm; Some find this quite barbaric; we think it has its charm. Five-finger discounts, people find, aren't nearly as much fun When, counting up your digits, you discover you have none. Our attitude on heretics is: never, ever judge — We don't care how they die and we will not hold a grudge, So long as they die slowly — and make it hurt like hell. If everyone can hear them scream, then we think that they've died well. And then, of course, there is The Jew — that son of ape and pig Whose double-dealing forces neighbors to renege On promises pre-emptively, before The Jew can do it. The lack of peace is all his fault — no matter how you view it. Just look around the modern world, which knew no strife or stress Until The Jew appeared to impede its happiness. Now brother fights with brother, and Sunni fights with Shi'a. I'm telling you, those Euro-fascists had the right idea. Don't get me wrong! — I don't concede the Holocaust was real. It's just a Jewish fantasy cooked up so Jews could steal The land where milk and honey once through other fingers flowed. The very thought makes me so mad I think I might explode. What really gets my goat, of course, is how you all depict us: Wild-eyed and waving fists, mouths twisted into a rictus. How such a funny notion ever got into your head. . . . Was it something that we did, or something we said?
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
A. Barton Hinkle is Deputy Editor of the Editorial Pages at Richmond Times-Dispatch
Comment by clicking here.
Previously:
• 10/17/12: Undermining the values that enable people in poverty to escape it? Sadly, yes
• 10/11/12: How Much Is This Tax Cut Gonna Cost Me, Doc?
• 10/04/12: Warrantless spying skyrockets under Obama
• 08/20/12: The wrong side absolutely must not win
• 08/14/12: America was not built on dirt alone
• 08/02/12: Libs Discover Their Inner Cheney
• 07/30/12: Feds want to help you --- whether you want help or not
• 07/23/12: Barack Obama, Storyteller-in-Chief
• 07/23/12: Nation's worst outsourcer? You
• 07/19/12: Listen up, America: You need to knuckle under
• 07/12/12: Obama, Romney: As Different as Two Peas in a Pod
• 07/05/12: Are teenagers big children --- or little adults?
• 06/25/12: Minorities treated as mere numbers
• 06/21/12: Memo to the the Little Guy: Seemingly innocuous activity could bring the federal hammer down out of a clear blue sky
• 06/19/12: We mustn't let America be buffaloed
• 05/31/12: Drop and Give Uncle Sam 20
• 05/15/12: The feds would like to know if you enjoyed that video
• 05/03/12: Obama inspires: 'America --- Still Not as Bad Off as Venezuela!'
• 04/26/12: It's everyone's favorite time of year again
• 03/29/12: GOP disillusionment is a good thing
• 03/27/12: Just what America needs: more red tape
• 03/20/12: Nation wondering: what happening to language?
• 02/21/12: Culture warriors resort to propaganda
• 02/15/12: Step away from that cookie and grab some air
• 02/08/12: Lessons in heresy
• 02/01/12: Do We Really Need Pickle-Flavored Potato Chips?
• 01/11/12: Shut up, they explained
• 12/30/11: A Modest Proposal: Let's Ban All Sports!
• 12/26/11: A Christmas letter from the Obamas
• 02/24/11: Will the next Watson need us?
• 12/24/10: Here Are Some Good Gifts for People You Hate
• 06/15/10: The Presinator
• 05/26/10: More than equal
• 04/08/10: Angry Right Takes a Page From Angry Left but guess who is ugly?
• 02/16/10: Either Obama owes George W. Bush an apology, or he owes the rest of us a very good explanation for his about-face on wiretapping
• 02/03/10: Talkin' to us 'tards
• 01/27/10: I never thought I'd see the day when progressives would howl in ragebecause the Supreme Court said government should not ban books
• 01/07/10: Gun-Control Advocates Play Fast and Loose
• 12/31/09: Nearly everything progressives say about neoconservative interventionism abroad applies to their own preferred policies at home
© 2011, A. Barton Hinkle
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