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Jewish World Review
Oct. 19, 2012 / 3 Mar-Cheshvan, 5773
The News in Zingers
By
Argus Hamilton
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Barack Obama and Mitt Romney hold a foreign policy debate in Florida Monday. The debate will be over whether we should invade everybody or wait for them to hit us. Every four years you must choose between the devil you know and the devil you also know. 
Mitt Romney said Sesame Street can be produced by its enormous endowment fund instead of taxpayer dollars Sunday. It's been on the air for forty-three years. Big Bird is so old that this morning's episode of Sesame Street was brought to you by the letters E.D. 
The Wall Street Journal reported Tuesday that more and more Americans are moving overseas to look for career and business opportunity. Thousands are fleeing abroad. Now people in other countries will know what it's like to lose their American jobs to a foreigner. 
Nike terminated its deal with Lance Armstrong Wednesday, citing the overwhelming evidence he cheated with performance-enhancing drugs. Nike has a very strict drug policy. They'll fire any children in their Vietnamese factory if they test positive for Ritalin. 
Dutch police report art thieves hit an art museum in Rotterdam Tuesday. They stole paintings from Picasso, Monet, and Matisse. Appraisers say they're worth hundreds of millions of dollars, and that's just the oil in the paint and the gold leaf in the picture frames. 
The New York Yankees benched Alex Rodriguez in the AL playoffs. He still has six years and one hundred eighty million left on his contract. And just think, only three years ago the Yankees owner was feeling sorry for the Mets owner because he invested with Bernie Madoff. 
The L.A. City Council okayed a photo-ID library card for illegal aliens Monday that can be used to get a debit card and benefits. How nice. To make sure merchants trust the cards and accept them, the city is having them printed and laminated illegally in MacArthur Park. 
The Taliban's leader targeted Pakistan's TV and newspapers Sunday. He's claiming media bias after the Taliban shot a teenager for advocating education. Hitler always read the London newspapers first every morning to see how he's playing where it matters. 
Mitt Romney's surging poll numbers prompted threats by Democrats via Twitter to riot if he gets elected. Reaction was swift. Electronics stores in Los Angeles scheduled huge clearance sales the weekend before Election Day so there will be nothing left to loot.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
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