Jewish World Review Oct 18, 2011 / 20 Tishrei, 5772
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama sent a hundred U.S. combat troops to Uganda Friday to help Uganda repel Christian rebels. It came as a shock to Americans. Everyone who bet that Iran was the next war had to buy a beer for everyone who bet that Africa would be the next war.
The White House planned sanctions on Iran after foiling a terrorist attack. Iran tried to assassinate a Saudi ambassador in Washington by hiring a Mexican hit man. It caused anger when people realized that American hit men are seeing their jobs out-sourced to Mexico.
President Obama hosted a beer summit in Pittsburgh Monday with four unemployed construction workers. He left feeling a lot better about the future. They explained to the president that once his unemployment runs out he can fake an injury and go on disability.
Janet Jackson banned her opening act comedians from telling jokes alluding to Michael Jackson on her tour. That's crazy. Without sex jokes, plastic surgery jokes or drug jokes, the crowd will have to listen to forty minutes on the difference between New York and L.A.
BlackBerry interruption spread from Europe to the United States Thursday, causing e-mail and Web outages. The experience was just horrifying. It was the first time many people under thirty had ever made eye contact with the person across the table from them.
Occupy Wall Street protesters refused to leave the private property where they have camped in New York for a city-required clean-up Friday. The protesters are dedicated and committed young revolutionaries willing to give up their lives to bring down Wall Street. They only have a couple of weeks to do it before the first freeze ends the movement.
President Obama's campaign reported Friday it raised seventy million dollars in the third quarter. The number of fundraising events declined from fifty-one to eighteen. That's because they had to merge them to meet the minimum required to book the banquet room.
Tokyo hotels offered free flights to Japan Friday to revive tourism after their nuclear accident. They're still recovering. U.S. scientists recently measured nuclear radiation in their fish with a Geiger counter and concluded that we overthrew Saddam Hussein for less.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton