Jewish World Review Oct 3, 2011 / 6 Tishrei, 5772
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Charlie Sheen settled his termination lawsuit with Warner Brothers for eight figures Tuesday. He's on a roll. Yesterday he tilted his sunglasses up on his head and declared himself to be a solar panel company and Washington sent him five hundred million dollars.
Fred Couples chose Tiger Woods for the U.S. team for the President's Cup in Australia next month. He also selected Michael Jordan as the honorary captain. Charles Barkley was chosen to remain in America in case of catastrophe to ensure a continuity of blackjack.
King Abdullah overturned the ten-lash sentence a Saudi woman received for driving an automobile in Riyadh Thursday. Things are gradually getting better for women there. They now allow women to vote but not until the registrar sees their driver's license.
Donald Trump's Taj Mahal casino in Atlantic City is staging a contest with a prize of twenty-five thousand dollars worth of plastic surgery for the winner. There's a huge demand for fake breasts, fake noses, fake chins and fake lips. That's what it takes to become one of the Real Housewives.
Kappa Alpha fraternity at Texas was accused of hiring porn stars for live sex shows at parties. It's awful. In another thirty years only illegal aliens will be acceptable as presidential candidates because of all the pictures taken by cellphone cameras at our best universities.
Texas Governor Rick Perry began slipping in the polls Thursday after his bad debate performance in Florida. His experience as governor has forged his message. If we don't fix Social Security, the nation will never have the money to execute our children's children.
The White House leaned on Ford Motors last week to pull its TV commercial critical of auto companies that took bailout money. No one's out of the woods yet. Two years ago al-Qaeda looked at aerial photos of Detroit and just assumed they'd already been there.
GOP candidate Herman Cain doubled his poll numbers Tuesday thanks to the strong debate performances by the black conservative. Reaction was swift. Democrats say that if Republicans like Herman Cain over Barack Obama it just shows that they hate foreigners.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton