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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct 12, 2011 / 14 Tishrei, 5772

(Not so) Happy birthday to me

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | No one knows how to bleed the fun out of a birthday like the mail carrier.

My birthday is not for another few days, but the birthday greetings started arriving last week. On Tuesday the mailman brought a postcard from the Department of Motor Vehicles telling me to enjoy my birthday, and when it was over to visit one of their branches or their website to renew my license. My driver's license won't expire until next year on my birthday, but they'd like me to save time and avoid the rush.

The postcard had a cupcake with a candle on it, so I'm trying to overlook the fact that the message was a little naggy. I've got 12 months to renew. What's the rush?

Maybe they think I won't make it another 12 months and want their money now. Not a bad strategy in a downturn economy.

On Wednesday, I received a birthday card, from a company I won't name, offering to talk with me about my life insurance situation. Happy birthday to you, too.

That doesn't happen in your thirties and forties.

The real kicker was Thursday -- a postcard announcing it was time for a colonoscopy. It didn't say Happy Birthday, but the timing was suspicious.

On Friday, I received an ivory envelope containing an invitation to a free dinner at one of the better steakhouses in town. The husband and I could have our choice of three entrees as long as we agreed to stick around and listen to some ideas about long-term financial planning.

Apparently the colonoscopy people were miffed I didn't respond to the postcard earlier in the week because by the end of the week they had sent a one-page letter reminding me again.

I'm so hurt. Nothing from the dentist or the OB/GYN.

All I'm missing is a card from my hairstylist suggesting it's time for color, a brochure on brow-lifts and liposuction from a plastic surgeon and a refrigerator magnet listing the warning signs of heart attack and stroke.

Hold on, the mail just came. I now have in my hands a greeting card with a beautiful photograph of rolling emerald hills and large shade trees. Have you considered a prepaid burial?

So far the only upbeat card I've gotten is from Stein Mart. They want to give me 20 percent off any one item for my birthday. Talbots sent a birthday card, too, but they're only offering me 15 percent off.

I started getting birthday wishes on Facebook five days before my birthday. I appreciate the kind thoughts, but I'm in no hurry. I'd like to drag this year out as long as possible before rolling over to a new number -- or a new plot, if the cemetery people get their way.

I wish everyone would back off. I haven't even had a piece of cake yet. That's right, I'm having cake. Or tiramisu. Or cheesecake. Whatever it is, it will be tasty, high calorie, loaded with fat, and I will enjoy every wonderful bite.

Don't even think about it Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem and Jenny Craig.

And for the record, I don't care what kind of downer cards I get in the mail, I plan on having another good year.


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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2009, Lori Borgman

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