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Jewish World Review Not cancer, still a big fat pain By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Every time I turn around these days, some kind, well-meaning person is telling me that once you, or someone you love, has battled cancer, it puts everything in perspective. Daily irritations, minor in comparison, will recede or even disappear altogether, I'm told. I remind myself of that when confronted with typical low-level irritants like spilled soda, unraveling hems, and cutesy Facebook games "that'll keep the guys guessing what we're up to!" I hate that crap. But it's not worth getting upset over. Cat pees on the floor beside the litter box? Hahahahaha! At least it's not cancer! In general, the summer of our discontent in which Duh Hubby bravely battled the C monster into remission, hasn't been the "wake up call" that everyone promised. It's more like the non-wake-up call you get when you stay at Uncle Snuffy's Motor Court & Karaoke Pit and you really have to catch a plane and you realize, too late, that you shouldn't have trusted a motel with rotary phones in the rooms. I've got the gratitude thing down but where's the much ballyhooed perspective? Hmmmm? Take last week, when, no lie, my hometown experienced 24 inches of rain in two days. I needed groceries because we were down to having toothpaste for supper so out I went, into the storm, with the dedication of a pioneer woman forced to forage for high-quality frozen lasagna for her family. There were lots of fools like me out in the rain but I chose my store carefully because it has a marvelous overhang that allows you to load your groceries at the curb without getting drenched. I left my filled cart at the curb in the clever groove that keeps it from rolling into the parking lot presumably in search of a happier life. But when I drove up I discovered a van parked smack in the middle of the overhang area. A woman sat in the van, unaware that her Very Own Private Parking Spot, uh, wasn't. "Not cancer, not cancer, not cancer" I chanted under my breath but, somehow, ended up screaming: "MOVE YOUR CAR, YOU STUPID COW!!!!!" It should be noted that this was only after a few gentle, Zen-like horn taps that went ignored. She edged up a few feet but I still got soaked. Disgusted by my behavior, she got out of her van, shot me a look that could've curdled my 2 percent milk and huffed into the store. Notice her car remained parked blocking everyone's access to rain-free grocery loading. "Not cancer, not cancer, not cancer," I muttered and then looked sympathetically at the line of cars behind me while making huge circles in the air beside my temple and pointing at the van. One man just smiled and shrugged. What had HE been smoking? So I wait, trying daily to be more meditative, reflective and perspective-filled. But really getting kinda sick of how long it's taking. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. A text is worth 1,000 words Ready for some laughs again Now men don't have to work out either Hormones rule home of Princess and mom Add some oohing, cooing to your kitchen Tweeting puppy a perfect pet … for twerps Science fair spurs on hyper parents Cat naps aren't all that popular among felines Nightmare in the mall's dead zone America: Cut out the need to be cute Taking a page from a ‘Mad’ mother She's adding truth serum to her Cap'n Crunch Snuggie ensnares another victim, er, admirer Florida can keep its snakes She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? Butter buds: Julia and Celia Facebook is for ‘old’ people, too, missy Ch-ch-ch-changes Getting refreshment not berry smooth in age of mass marketing Reality show lowers her IQ to sub-dirt levels Cuddle parties are the latest weird trend Middle school is a whole new game and these players are vicious If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I? Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends Big family, big ratings, big mess Fred Mertz for vice president Women and tools are like grease, water Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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