Jewish World Review Oct. 28, 2010 / 20 Mar-Cheshvan, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Charlie Sheen was hospitalized in New York Monday when cops found him drunk and naked in a Plaza Hotel room. That's his job. CBS pays Charlie two million dollars an episode, and by episode the network means anything requiring handcuffs or sedation.
Mercedes Benz reported a huge spike in auto sales in New York City this fall. Dealers are offering big discounts for any trade-ins. Customers are bringing their girlfriends, boyfriends and spouses and children into the showroom, but the dealer will only take cars.
Michael Jackson's estate made two hundred seventy-five million dollars last year in licensing fees while Elvis Presley's estate made sixty million. College kids used to major in business and finance. Today, students who want to get ahead major in hit records and early death.
NPR head Vivian Schiller apologized Monday for the way she fired NPR's longtime news analyst Juan Williams. He's been an avowed Progressive until now. Fox News just gave him a two million dollar contract and suddenly he sees the wisdom of Republican tax policy.
Bill Clinton shook hands with voters at a Minnesota Vikings tailgate party Monday. He addressed the hottest issue of the day up in Viking country. He said Brett Favre would make a fine governor of Arkansas if his wife ends up with the farm in Mississippi.
Tom Delay stands trial in Texas this week for violating state campaign finance laws. The federal charges were dropped months ago, leaving his status in limbo. For two years Tom DeLay has sort of been like medical marijuana, nobody's really sure if he's legal or not.
Chicago was rocked by hurricane-force winds Tuesday which meteorologists called a freak monsoon. Ballots flew through the air in downtown Chicago. No one's sure how far the wind carried the ballots but half of them were pre-checked for Harry Reid.
Comedy Central ordered five hundred porta-potties for Jon Stewart's political rally in Washington D.C. Saturday. It didn't escape Hollywood's notice. It's considered a bad sign for Comedy Central's demographics if its audience is developing bladder control problems.
Florida Democratic Senate candidate Alex Sink was caught cheating during her debate Monday by receiving a debate tip via text message. It happened too late to affect the race. If John Edwards had been caught cheating a year earlier he'd be president today.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton