Jewish World Review Oct. 18, 2010 / 10 Mar-Cheshvan, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Ohio police mobilized this week after a night club shootout in Cleveland where five men entered and shot up the bar but inflicted no wounds. The five shooters fired away for a minute but hit nothing. The police issued an all-points bulletin for the New York Knicks.
Miami Heat players held a fundraiser with President Obama at Alonzo Mourning's home in Miami Tuesday. A half-million was raised. That's how much the NBA players made when Barack Obama bet the royalties on his next book he could beat them in a game of Horse.
The New York Daily News cited a geneaologist Wednesday who found that President Obama is a tenth cousin of Rush Limbaugh. He's also a ninth cousin of Dick Cheney. The president hired the geneaologist himself in a last-minute attempt to get the crowds on his side.
China conducted naval war games in the Pacific Wednesday where the ships fired long-range missiles at remote islands. Conservatives are worried. A missile test in the South Pacific could threaten Bikini Island, where Fox News raises TV reporters.
Hillary Clinton was in Bosnia Wednesday to help settle simmering conflicts in the Balkans. She stood in the town square waving to cameras while standing in front of a statue of her husband waving. It's the first time in ten years she's turned her back on him.
Hillary Clinton announced Wednesday she will travel to Australia, New Zealand, Vietnam and New Guinea in late October. She won't be in America on Election Day. She'll be holed up ten thousand miles away in New Guinea's capital city of Itole Jouso.
Jimmy Carter resumed his book tour Monday where he's blaming Teddy Kennedy for ruining his presidency. He's understandably bitter. Jimmy Carter was once the most powerful man in the world and last night he couldn't get into Appleby's because his name wasn't on the list.
Oklahoma was hit by a five-point earthquake centered in Norman Wednesday which shook the campus buildings at OU. No one even blinked. An earthquake is nothing compared to a tornado and besides, nothing under six points interests anybody in Norman.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton