Jewish World Review Oct. 15, 2010 / 7 Mar-Cheshvan, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Chilean President Sebastian Pinera expressed gratitude Wednesday after the miners were all rescued. He thanked U.S. drilling firms, the British prime minister and the Israeli prime minister. He forgot to thank Obama for not banning deep drilling after the accident.
The National Texting Contest was won by a thirteen-year-old girl from Brooklyn Tuesday. She typed the lyrics to Old McDonald in sixty seconds. For winning the texting contest she was awarded fifty thousand dollars and a California driver's license.
Discovery Kids Channel will air a new cartoon series created by DC Comics and Kuwaiti investors about observant Muslim super-heroes. The kids will have to find a new hero after the end of each episode. It's worse than free agency in Major League Baseball.
Queen Elizabeth canceled her annual Christmas Ball on Thursday. It saves only eighty thousand dollars but she won't be extravagant in hard times. Leave it to the Queen of England to show Democrats how to stay in office for more than four years at a time.
Michelle Obama campaigned for embattled Democrats in Wisconsin Thursday. She didn't dare mention her Healthy Food Initiative there. This year the blue ribbon for the tastiest snack at the Wisconsin State Fair was awarded to Fried Cholesterol Medicine.
Michelle Obama cast her absentee vote in a Chicago polling place Thursday. She then broke Illinois election law by posing with voters at the polls and urging them to pass her husband's agenda. You're not allowed to do this in Chicago without money changing hands.
President Obama conceded to the N.Y. Times Sunday he realizes there's no such thing as a shovel-ready project. He was admitting the failure of his federal stimulus program to add jobs to the economy. Today he understands it takes two terms to hire a construction worker.
Realty Track reported Thursday that Nevada had the highest foreclosure rate of any state for the fourth year in a row. The evictions were a shock to people in Nevada. They thought state law required that if you lose enough money you get your room comped.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton