Jewish World Review Oct. 4, 2010 / 26 Tishrei, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Rahm Emanuel began his campaign for Chicago mayor Friday by learning he doesn't have a legal residence in Chicago. He can't force his tenants to move out of his house for the two years left on the lease. If you think Rahm is angry, imagine how the president reacted when he heard that his chief-of-staff had only leased out his house for four years.
California GOP governor candidate Meg Whitman denied Democratic charges that she knew her maid was an illegal alien. Both sides are dug in. Republicans will certify their maids when Democrats can certify their presidents, until then it's a Mexican stand-off.
Jerry Brown campaigned in California Thursday, vowing to get the state's economy booming again. It's always been boom-or-bust in the Golden State. Many of the Silicon Valley computer companies that started in a garage are now operating out of a smaller garage.
Jimmy Carter was hospitalized in Cleveland Tuesday after he got indigestion on a flight during his book tour. They wouldn't let him leave the hospital for three days. Jimmy Carter just wished he could go to the bathroom on a plane without it ending up in a hostage situation.
The U.S. Congress received two million signatures Thursday asking that Jack Daniel's birthday be made a national holiday. They're asking for controversy. It's going to look really bad when businesses take the day off for Jack Daniel's Day and stay open on Martin Luther King Day.
Wall Street celebrated Thursday when the Dow Jones stock averages tallied the best September in seventy years. Congress is furious over the income disparities. They want to know why Wall Street profits are so high while their money under the table has remained the same.
World War I officially ended Thursday when Germany finished paying reparations to the Allies. The war erupted after a parade in Sarajevo for Archduke Ferdinand where he ordered his driver to return back up the parade route so he could hear everybody's cheers again, giving his assassin a second chance to kill him. Always leave them wanting more.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton