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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Monkey baby big business for the small-minded

By Celia Rivenbark

Celia Rivenbark




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Set your DVRs, hons, because there's going to be a new fall hit coming your way: TLC's "My Monkey Baby." Not since the debut of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant!" have I been this excited.


This should answer, once and for all, those satellite TV ingrates who love to whine, "I have 856 channels and there's not a thing to watch!" I repeat: Monkey Babies.


Who could resist following the daily hi-jinks of Jessica Marie, a girl monkey with her own pink bedroom, designer clothes, toys, games and makeup?


TLC, which used to stand for The Learning Channel but now stands for Titillating Losers for Cash, follows quasi-redneck couple Lori and Jim Johnson as they, seriously, examine the questions: "How strong is the parent-monkey bond?" and my personal favorite "Can a monkey really be a child substitute?"


Standing in the canned ravioli aisle at a Tarzana Safeway wearing ratty bedroom scuffs, the Octomom is probably slapping her forehead.


"Monkey babies! Why didn't I think of that?"


Monkey mama Lori has two grown human daughters of her own but apparently they were much harder to hold down and administer blush and lipstick to.


"She loves it!" coos Lori, while Jessica Marie gazes stupidly at a tube of something that might have been tested on her long-lost cousin.


I'm sorry I said stupidly. Wouldn't want to set off Jim who gets a might riled if you call Jessica Marie a monkey.


"Don't call her that! She's my daughter 100 percent!"


Given his propensity to wax philosophic over a cold 'un while a cigarette bounces up and down on his lip, who am to argue? Maybe he has the DNA test to prove it.


I smell ratings bonanza here. No, sorry. That was just Jessica Marie flinging something. But I seriously believe that TLC could craft a TV special here that melds all of its best efforts from the TLC/Discovery Family.


Those wacky Duggars with their brood of 18 or 19, I forget which, could add a few monkey babies to the mix if they can just figure out how to get the monkeys to give up their computer skills in favor of wearing gingham aprons and writing on a slate. Or Jessica Marie, who wears pink sparkly tutus could compete in the gruesomely watchable "Toddlers & Tiaras." If Jim lurched around the corner in his wifebeater at just the wrong time, those feisty "Police Women of Broward County" could wrassle him onto the ground and taze him just like they do in every show. Carmindy from "What Not to Wear" could wax, well, everything.


TLC, sounding downright journalistic, promises that "My Monkey Baby" will explore "the real lives of people parenting monkeys in America." I'm just glad Walter Cronkite isn't alive to see it.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here.


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Butter buds: Julia and Celia
Facebook is for ‘old’ people, too, missy
Ch-ch-ch-changes
Getting refreshment not berry smooth in age of mass marketing
Reality show lowers her IQ to sub-dirt levels
Cuddle parties are the latest weird trend
Middle school is a whole new game and these players are vicious
If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I?
Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors
Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old
Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends
Big family, big ratings, big mess
Fred Mertz for vice president
Women and tools are like grease, water
Runners are a different breed of folk altogether
Don't get all bento out of shape
For you, Princess? I'll buy junk
Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check
Reality show amuses yet repels viewer
Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling
Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so
Honesty in the name of fashion
Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers
Trendy new ailment not for everybody
What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook?
Shagadelic on the dance floor
Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing
Little wonder many voters are confused
Sound bites not easy in Southern
I swear it's not my fault
Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else
Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em
Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby
Driving under the influence of celebrity
Hugged your Webkinz today?
Hate mail spawned by humor columns
‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max!
Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from?
Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama
Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama
Office gossip is protected free speech
First-class corpse
Song lyrics have only gotten dumber
Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care
Being a happy human vessel has its limits
Who's not your daddy?
Phoning for dazzlers
Proper spelling begins at home
Sick of the waiting room
Road signs
Halt your motion toward the lotion
Sudoku's got my husband's number
One short stack of smarts, please
Spa me the kids
IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation
Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness
Girls' pajama parties a little different now
Welcome back for guilt-free manly man
A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs
Girls' pajama parties a little different now
When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome
Ageless icons can't escape their ages
Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy

Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’

© 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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