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Twerski: The world is a mirror Caroline B. Glick: Time to confront Obama Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism Kimberly Lankford: New strategies ease pain of paying for long-term care insurance Howard LeWine, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Too much ibuprofen? Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jewish Major Leaguers, 2013; New Movies and Comedy Show; Shalom, 'Lumpy' (Leave it to Beaver) The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Ho : A bright and cheerful salad to herald the warmer months ahead April 24, 2013 Steven Emerson: Boston Bomber Exposes Islamist Secret Top Muslim cleric boycotts inter-faith dialogue conference attended by 'Jews' Morgan Housel Admit it: No one has any idea what's going on Harvard Health Letters: Can you get headaches from headache medication? 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Jewish World Review Florida can keep its snakes By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I used to like Florida. Key West and Miami were super fun. Disney World was a blast. The space center wasn't nearly as boring as I thought, plus they sold freeze-dried astronaut ice cream. I liked the orange groves in central Florida, spring training in St. Pete and driving along A1A with Buffett blasting in the background. Yes, Florida was a state with much to offer. A little too much as it turns out. According to a report released by the U.S. Geological Survey last week, crazy Floridians have been releasing killer snakes into the wild and they're headed my way. Yep, freakishly huge snakes are leaving Florida's swampy borders and heading north. What can we do? Well, I could give you a long, fancypants national-public-radio-induced answer but the short version is, "Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye." There's no stopping this army of big snakes which, we now know, can produce up to 100 baby snake eggs at a time. Florida, what is wrong wid chu? Turns out that owning that cute little Burmese python outlived its fun factor once BP grew up and wound its way around the lanai. What to do? You take the former pet for that ubiquitous long ride in the country. Or, in some cases, the city. When asked by an NPR reporter if there were actually giant snakes in metropolitan areas like Miami, a scientist said, and this is a di-rect quote: "Yes." Dude. Let us down easy. You don't just tell somebody that giant pythons are slithering around South Beach. The vapid movie stars who lounge about down there doing the devil's aerobics with everyone but their own spouses probably just think of a boa constrictor as uber Spanx but they're no fashion accessory. Scientists are, scientifically speaking, "completely freaked out in the head" about this march of the giant snakes northward, squeezing and eating everything in their path. One said he'd peered into the stomachs of hundreds of dead pythons (and you thought your job sucked) and found basically everything except a barcalounger in there. Turns out there are tens of thousands of pythons in Florida and they're pretty cheesed at being dumped by their idiot owners. Others escaped from pet shops back in '92 during Hurricane Andrew and "have been reproducing ever since." Well. It's not like they had cable any more. Scientists say these house-sized snakes can climb trees and take out entire species of birds "akin to the situation with brown tree snakes on Guam." Oh, holy Lord! Not the brown tree snakes of Guam! Wait a minute. What? Scientists say the giant Burmese python in particular could be heading north. Its hobbies include eating everything in its path, reproducing with abandon and TRAVELING LONG DISTANCES. I am SO not leaving the light on for 'em. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? 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I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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