Jewish World Review Oct. 30, 2009 / 12 Mar-Cheshvan 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Roman Polanski's victim urged California courts Wednesday to drop the rape and sodomy case aganst the director. Dropping it wouldn't be popular. Americans, by and large, are very offended by sodomy unless it's performed by a licensed stockbroker.
The New York Times complained Sunday that President Obama only plays basketball with men during Oval Office workbreaks. Wise idea. The play under the basket gets pretty rough and if there's anything we've learned in the last couple of months it's that you can't have body contact with women at work unless you've got a talk show.
Steve Phillips checked into a rehab for sex addiction Tuesday after ESPN fired him for adulterous workplace affairs. It will be a learning experience. A rehab is a place where you spend forty thousand dollars to find out that twelve-step meetings are free.
President Obama lobbied Congress furiously to pass health care Wednesday. It's slipping before his eyes. His big applause line used to be that health care should be universal in a country as rich as America, then a year ago it started getting laughs.
Hillary Clinton flew to Pakistan Wednesday and dared the Taliban to have their rules suppressing women put to a vote. They believe women should be covered up. If they can't control Pakistan and Afghanistan they at least want to become governor of Arkansas.
The N.Y. Times learned that Afghan President Hamid Karzai's brother controls the poppy trade and he's on the CIA payroll. Now we know why our national interests are at stake there. Detroit must have made a clean energy car that will run on heroin.
Somali pirate attacks Monday forced merchant ships to begin arming their crews and training them for protection. The pirates hold up the ships for huge cash payments. Journalism may be dying but there's always good money to be made in writing ransom notes.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton