Jewish World Review Oct. 29, 2008 / 30 Tishrei 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
London hosted the premiere of the new James Bond film Quantum of Solace on Saturday. In the movie, Bond drinks moderately, he respects women and he takes prisoners into custody. The English way of life is dying before our very eyes as Barack Obama nears election.
Barack Obama gave a thunderous speech in an Ohio auditorium Monday. He had the reverb turned up slightly and the bass at full volume. If you think Sarah Palin hates Tina Fey's impression of her, you should hear how G-d talks about Barack Obama.
Sarah Palin wore blue jeans Monday after Democrats made her GOP-purchased wardrobe a big issue. They will be sorry. Now that she's wearing jeans, she's sure to appeal to a very crucial voter demographic, male voters between eighteen and death.
U.S. Senator Ted Stevens could face Senate expulsion for his felony convictions Monday. It's not likely. Only fifteen senators have ever been expelled, fourteen of them for backing the Confederacy and one for joining the American Bowling Congress.
Joe Biden banned a Florida reporter from more interviews Monday for asking him if Obama's spread-the-wealth message is Marxist. Her question left him speechless. There was a time when a feat like this would get you three pages in the Torah.
The Taliban reported territorial gains in Afghanistan Friday along with eighty million dollars in poppy sales. You can't drink, do drugs, or have extramarital sex under the rules of the Taliban. Their goal is to establish the Republic of Rehabistan.
Reno, Nevada, hosted a convention of psychics who predicted that the nation's economy will begin to recover this spring. It says a lot. Business is so bad in Nevada casino hotels that they will allow people who can see through the backs of cards to hold their conventions there, just for the tip money on the free drinks.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton