Jewish World Review Oct. 27, 2008 / 28 Tishrei 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Mongols Motorcycle Club was busted by federal agents in California Tuesday on racketeering charges. It's a Latino motorcycle club formed when Hells Angels refused to allow Hispanics to join. When will both sides learn that meth has no color.
The Cleveland Browns suspended star Kellen Winslow for revealing he had a staph infection. Why is management upset? You'd think an outbreak of contagious skin bacteria would make the other team give your quarterback plenty of room in the pocket.
The University of Nebraska canceled Bill Ayers' campus appearance Monday. What a crying shame. Nebraska's storied football program has been down lately and right now they are willing to take a look at anybody who can throw the bomb and defeat Army.
The Los Angeles City Council was urged Friday to end new oil drilling for fear of earthquakes. Recent events have been a test for Californians' love of the planet. When gasoline went above four dollars per gallon, we tried to kill it with an ice pick.
Utah television stations displayed twenty thousand marijuana plants Wednesday found by hunters walking in the mountains above St. George. The story has a happy ending. They were out hunting for a recession-proof small business and they found one.
O.J. Simpson's defense lawyer announced Monday he will appeal his conviction for armed robbery and kidnapping in a Las Vegas hotel. O.J. is terrified of the possible sentence. On the Clark County courthouse lawn there is a statue of Bugsy the Lawgiver.
Barack Obama met in Richmond Wednesday with all his foreign policy advisors to discuss possible future crises. They had a heated discussion behind closed doors. His advisors can't agree on what to blame on President Clinton, what to blame on President Bush and what to blame on a four hundred years of Anglo-American imperialism.
Barack Obama's campaign began selling camera positions to the media Wednesday for his election night victory party in Chicago's Grant Park. The more you pay, the better your position. Heidi Fleiss is managing all media operations for the Democrats.
The FBI warned Wednesday that white powder is being mailed to banks across the heartland. There may be a simple explanation. The dollar is disintegrating so fast that by the time the banks open the deposit envelopes, there's nothing in them but dust.
Michael Vick pleaded out to dogfighting charges Tuesday so he can qualify for a halfway house. He's welcome in Beverly Hills. We're losing so many dogs to coyote attacks that suddenly teaching dogs how to fight is the humanitarian thing to do.
San Francisco votes on Election Day whether to legalize prostitution. The city has already decriminalized pot, sanctioned after-hours bars and allowed gay marriage. San Franciscans weren't kidding when they made up their minds to be a work-free drug place.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton