Jewish World Review Oct. 17, 2008 / 18 Tishrei 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
CBS News anchor Bob Schieffer hosted the debate Wednesday between Barack Obama and John McCain. They spent ninety minutes thanking him for his question, ignoring the question, then doing their act. Marriage counselors always tell people in a rut like this to try new positions.
Hillary Clinton appeared on CNN after the presidential debate Wednesday. She said President Obama's policies will be wonderful for America. She was choking on her words so badly that President Bush called and told her to stay away from the pretzels.
Barack Obama stressed the importance of sex education during Wednesday's debate. He said young people must be taught they can't behave in a cavalier way. The Cavaliers and their descendants have always believed that the luckiest of men should have the jolliest of times.
McDonald's on Wall Street reported lunch lines so long last week that it forced many customers away. You can't beat McDonald's when it comes to marketing tie-ins. The idea of handing out Gordon Gekko action figures with each Happy Meal was sheer genius.
The Museum of American Finance in New York invited laid-off bankers and brokers to act as volunteer museum tour guides Tuesday. They have quite a story to tell. One of these days this will be a beloved Christmas movie about all the wonderful things that would have happened to people if these Wall Street guys had never lived.
Motorola celebrated the twenty-fifth anniversary of the first cell-phone call Tuesday. The first call went to Alexander Graham Bell's grandson. Everyone today agrees the invention was one small step for man, one giant leap for auto body repair.
Beverly Hills tour bus companies began using double-deck buses from England to take tourists around. The roofs are sheared off, making the upper deck open-air. The double-decker buses are big enough to hold two hundred people, or sixty-two Americans.
The journal Archives of Neurology said Tuesday that moderate drinking will water down your mind even if it's good for your cardiovascular system. Drinking gives people a fit and healthy heart but an atrophied brain. Gym teachers aren't born, they have to be made.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton