Jewish World Review Oct. 8, 2008 / 9 Tishrei 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
O.J. Simpson was taken to jail Friday to await sentencing after a jury convicted him for armed robbery in a Las Vegas hotel room. He could get life in prison for using a gun. When O.J. stopped using a knife it was like Michael Jordan playing baseball.
The Tampa Bay Rays made the post-season for the first time Thursday. For years they were the Devil Rays, then they took the devil out of their name and now they may win it all. Hillary could just kick herself for not running under her maiden name.
The Gallup Poll said Monday the race between John McCain and Barack Obama will come down to the swing states. Once again the presidential election will be decided in Ohio and in Florida. People who don't work are the only ones with the time to vote.
Mayor Mike Bloomberg's plan to run for a third term hit a snag in the city council Monday. Some council members want to keep the term limits and run for mayor themselves. It's cheaper to pay for the mayor's race than to buy good seats at New Yankee Stadium.
The Super Lotto was won by nine people from Roswell, New Mexico, Friday. That's the town where people claim they saw UFOs land sixty years ago. We used to laugh at people who see things that don't exist until they got us in a war in Iraq.
Hank Paulson spent the weekend hiring ten asset management firms to handle the bailout. They'll be assigned to figure out which toxic assets the taxpayers must buy and how much money the toxic assets are worth. If you still have that plastic sheeting and duct tape from the last Orange Alert, this is a good time to put it up on your windows.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton