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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 17, 2008 / 18 Tishrei 5769

She won't stick her neck out for a scarf

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Three sales circulars that arrived by mail all have cover photos of women wearing long, dramatic scarves. Wearing a scarf twirled around your neck is the way to say, "I'm hip" this season. I'd love to say I'm hip with a scarf, except I'm missing one thing — the neck of a giraffe.


I am a member of the short-neck group. I never thought of my neck as short until I wrapped a silk scarf around it three times, exactly the way I saw it done on a mannequin. The mannequin looked sleek and sophisticated. I look like someone pounded my head down into my chest.


If I'd had a top hat and a carrot nose, I could have passed for a snowman.


I should have known. The mannequin had an 18-inch neck and a reed-thin pasty-white body made entirely of light weight plastic. I birthed babies that weighed more.


Every year fashion incites women to turn on yet another body part. Hemlines rise and women curse pudgy knees. Hemlines fall to mid-calf and another subset of women detest their piano legs and thick ankles. The sleeveless returns and women despise their flabby arms with a newfound vengeance. This year, women will turn on their necks.


In the spirit of "can do," I try another scarf, tying it in a fashionable manner. I look like a flight attendant. Soft drink, juice, coffee?


I try it again with a slightly different flair. I look like a protestor waiting for the onset of teargas.


I read a pamphlet titled "Eight Ways to Tie a Scarf," explaining how I might achieve a variety of cosmopolitan looks. The instructions seem vaguely familiar. I've seen them before somewhere. Yes, it was the knot tying portion of the Scout manual.


I attempt the muffler, looping both ends of the scarf around the back of my neck, crossing sides, bringing them forward and tucking them under. Voila! I look like I am wearing a bib. I look stuffed, like I ate too much for dinner and am totally miserable. They should market this with an antacid.


And, I ask, what do you do with scarves with the really long tails? Let them hang? What if they don't hang straight down? What if they go over a slight rise on their way down and they swing? What is the proper scarf tail etiquette? Do you hold them down when you walk, or do you let the tails gain momentum and possibly lash a passerby? I don't think we have insurance for that.


The dramatic types would intuitively know what to do with long scarves. They casually give one end a flick over the shoulder. They wave the scarf as they tell stories and laugh. I would try these things, too, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to pull if off, and then friends would suggest that I consider medication.


A first cousin to the scarf, but one that requires absolutely no tying is the poncho. A poncho is a tablecloth with a hole in the middle for your head. It wraps around you like a warm blanket and covers every body flaw from the neck to the knees.


Yet I've also noticed that every picture of a woman wearing a poncho shows the woman walking into the wind. I gather that is the trick to getting all that fabric to stay in place.


I'll see you around this fall - but probably only on windy days.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2008, Lori Borgman

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