Jewish World Review Oct. 29, 2007 / 17 Mar-Cheshvan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The New York Giants played the Miami Dolphins Sunday in London under heavy security. Surveillance cameras with face recognition software kept criminals from entering the stadium. The first club to field a team was declared the winner.
Singapore Airlines flew a new aircraft to Sydney Thursday with all-luxury seating and sleeper suites. They also offer French wines and every movie ever made. These amenities for the San Diego fire victims are starting to grate on the nation's nerves.
San Diego's Qualcomm Stadium sheltered the brushfire evacuees Wednesday. Inside the stadium, people were offered yoga, acupuncture, massage therapy, cappuccino and catered meals from the Hyatt. Clothing was brought in by Salvation Army and Fitch.
The Weather Channel's satellite photos Tuesday showed fires extending from Santa Barbara to San Diego. Conditions were ripe for wildfires. When those For Sale signs have been standing out on the front lawn longer than six months they're like kindling.
Southern California sheriffs went on alert Monday when fires spread from Santa Barbara to Rancho Santa Fe. The looting was shameless. Many of the residents sold their insurance stocks just before the wildfires began and they made off like bandits.
The Los Angeles Times reported Thursday one million Southern Californians were evacuated by the brushfires. Everyone out here was very casual about it. Yesterday it was announced that anyone who turns in an arsonist gets a free taco from Taco Bell.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger got high marks Friday for his leadership during the fire. Of course he doesn't care about that. However, one review in Variety said his eyes are starting to look a little crinkly and now that's all he talks about.
China held a worldwide environmental conference Wednesday to come up with ways to clean up Beijing's air for next year's Olympic Summer Games. They're worried that track and field performances will be affected by all the air pollution. Nothing is more embarrassing for the host country than when a javelin gets stuck in the smog.
Dick Cheney was caught by television cameras sound asleep while he was sitting at Wednesday's cabinet meeting at the White House. Nobody missed it. Iranian intelligence agents saw Dick Cheney asleep and moved the weapons of mass destruction back into Iraq.
Rudy Giuliani was revealed in court testimony Thursday to have been saved from a Mafia hit twenty-one years ago by one vote at a meeting of the five crime bosses. It reined him in for awhile. He never again backed the Boston Red Sox until this week.
Russia's president Vladimir Putin ridiculed the U.S. sanctions on Iran Thursday as the act of a crazy man. He's the psychopath. Vladimir Putin made a guest appearance on a Moscow cooking show Friday and gave viewers his favorite recipe for the Last Supper.
Senator Hillary Clinton celebrated her sixtieth birthday on Thursday with a fundraising bash in New York hosted by Billy Crystal. Comedians all support Hillary. The idea of Bill Clinton being in the White House for eight years with nothing to do in the afternoon is the closest thing there is to the chemical formula for comedy.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton