Jewish World Review Oct. 19, 2007 / 7 Mar-Cheshvan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Ellen DeGeneres got into a fight with an animal agency Tuesday about a dog she rescued and gave to a family. It's a bad week for animal lovers. Yesterday Senator Larry Craig went to a local petting zoo and some of the animals resisted his advances.
Mexico's National Chamber of Tequila Industry said Tuesday that bars worldwide are being flooded with counterfeit tequila. They said the counterfeit tequila could cause brain damage. So the copies are virtually indistinguishable from the real thing.
Don Imus signed a deal to return to radio in December. He got a multi-million dollar buyout from CBS, then signed a multi-million deal with ABC. Heather Mills McCartney just took out a full-page ad insulting the Rutgers women's basketball team.
Russian chess champion Garry Kasparov began a U.S. speaking tour Wednesday. He's a political opponent of Vladimir Putin. He keeps a chess clock on his dinner table and punches it every time he takes a bite, and if he doesn't die, it's his bite again.
Saddam Hussein's jailer, Colonel William Steele, was court-martialed for treason in Baghdad Thursday. He bought a box of Cuban cigars for the jailed dictator. The colonel apparently saw how the war was going and wanted to end up on the winning side.
The Justice Department began investigating Sara Lee Tuesday for any possible fraud in its U.S. defense contracts. The crackdown on Sara Lee was long overdue. Fifteen percent of the Iraqi civilian casualties have been from the obesity epidemic.
The national Democratic Party scheduled a presidential debate in November to be held in Las Vegas. The city is the perfect atmosphere for a big debate moment. Hillary Clinton could bring down the house and sew up the nomination by promising looser sluts.
Fred Thompson said Wednesday he may support raising Medicare co-payments for rich Americans. He himself has Medicare and Screen Actors Guild coverage, plus U.S. Senate coverage. He's married to a woman twenty-four years younger so he needs every bit of it.
John McCain trotted out his ninety-five-year-old mother at his speech in South Carolina Wednesday to show that he's not too old to be president. He'll do anything to get elected. To prove he's not going to die in office, he makes his mother do one hundred push-ups every morning while he watches old videos of Richard Nixon in action.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton