Jewish World Review Oct. 15, 2007 / 3 Mar-Cheshvan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Congressional staffers planning a junket to a NASCAR race in Raleigh on Friday got immunization shots for hepatitis and diphtheria and tetanus. It shows how little Democrats know about the South. They thought they were going to a race in Madagascar.
Turkey called home its U.S. ambassador Thursday when House Democrats charged Turkey with past genocide. It's politics. Democrats want to show the voters they can start mindless and unnecessary wars in the Middle East just as well as the Republicans can.
The U.N. began investigating Blackwater Security contractors patrolling Iraq Thursday. How ruthless are these guys? At the end of each day's shootings, they shake hands with al-Qaeda in the middle of the field and tell each other it was a good game.
Hillary Clinton told Iowans on Thursday she'd consider raising Social Security taxes on the rich. The day before, she proposed raising income taxes on the rich and raising the estate taxes on the rich. And Bill thought that all had been forgiven.
Buckingham Palace revealed Thursday that Prince William will train to be a Royal Air Force pilot beginning next year. This is what in-breeding gets you. Prince William can have any woman in the world and he's going to be the King of England, and he wants to strap himself to a rocket and do barrel rolls at twenty thousand feet.
The Arizona Diamondbacks failed to sell out their playoff tickets Thursday. They can only blame themselves. They built a roster of unselfish, hardworking team players who don't take steroids and don't get arrested, and nobody will pay a nickel to see them.
The Weather Channel said Friday the record autumn heat across the Midwest that plagued the baseball playoffs finally lifted. That's nice. It was so hot in Iowa last week that Hillary's audiences were crowding the stage just to catch one of her icy stares.
Los Angeles finished first in a new survey of cities with the most sexually active women. Miami finished second. However, if Paris Hilton moved to Miami, then Miami would become number one and Los Angeles would drop to forty-seventh.
Kiefer Sutherland agreed Wednesday to serve forty-eight days in jail for drunk driving, scheduled around his TV show's production. He wants nobody on Twenty-Four to miss work because of his drunk driving. He's lucky he wasn't killed, and that's just on the show.
Mitt Romney said at the GOP debate Tuesday he would consult his lawyers before ordering an attack on Iran. He's worth six hundred million dollars. He shouldn't go to the bathroom without consulting his lawyers, especially in the Minneapolis airport.
Rudy Giuliani was the only candidate in a Time magazine survey Thursday willing to name anyone he would put in his cabinet, and he named Joe Torre. He would be a natural as the Secretary of Defense. No one has managed more overpaid contractors than Joe Torre.
The State Department on Tuesday delayed opening the newly built U.S. Embassy in Baghdad. It's the size of two football fields. Wal-Mart doesn't understand why they can't open superstores in the suburbs when the government's building a Target this big.
The German Soccer Federation on Wednesday allowed a German team member who was born in Iran to refuse to play in Israel for political reasons. The team won't miss him. He only had one goal all year, and that was the destruction of Israel.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton