Jewish World Review Oct. 10, 2007 / 28 Tishrei 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Bruce Springsteen was sued Friday for backing out of a deal to buy a horse for eight hundred thousand bucks. It wasn't overpriced. With all the meat recalls last week due to the E. coli scare, the horse is worth millions if he's put out to hamburger.
Lindsay Lohan will check out of her rehab in Utah Friday and begin filming her next movie, Dare to Love Me. A hit would be great for her career. Lindsay Lohan's last movie was so bad that everybody walked out on it, and it was the in-flight movie.
Jane Seymour missed her appearance on Dancing with the Stars Tuesday to attend her ninety-year-old mother's funeral in England. It had to be agonizing for her. Now she has to persuade everybody in show business that she was adopted when her mother was sixty.
Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James sat in the front row at the Cleveland Indians home playoff game Thursday wearing a New York Yankees cap. No one can believe he did it. He might as well have worn an Osama bin Laden mask to the president's prayer breakfast.
Wall Street celebrated a good labor report last week as the Dow Jones averages neared a new high. Profits soared for stocks and bondholders. People who live on Soledad Mountain in La Jolla were so relieved to see that life is returning to normal.
Mitt Romney revealed Friday he's loaned his own presidential campaign seventeen million dollars. It's a sign he could be in trouble. Hillary Clinton just proposed that the U.S. government give a five thousand dollar bond to each of the Romney children.
Rudy Giuliani addressed the Americans for Prosperity Friday in Washington. The candidate urged tax cuts and fiscal prudence. The only way he could fill the house was if the people handing out the tickets promised he wouldn't talk about nine-eleven.
Southern California cities voted Tuesday whether apartments and condos can ban smoking. It's an idea whose time has come. As long as your neighbors are in your refrigerator policing the obesity epidemic, they may as well throw out your cigarettes.
Don Imus was reported near a new deal with ABC Radio on Saturday. He was fired by CBS for using rap slang to describe black women. His new contract requires him to say The State of Idaho whenever he mentions Idaho, otherwise he's liable for all damages to Ida.
The Minnesota National Guard learned Friday they don't qualify for GI education benefits. It seems they were deployed one day short of the seven hundred thirty days required to qualify. If the soldiers want cash from the U.S. government, their best bet is to take off their National Guard uniforms and dress up as corrupt Iraqi moderates.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton