Jewish World Review Oct. 8, 2007 / 26 Tishrei 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Senator Larry Craig of Idaho said Friday he will remain in the U.S. Senate. He's defiant. Even though he's been caught red-handed and he can't withdraw his guilty plea, he is not resigning from the U.S. Senate and he's not giving up his Olympic medals.
Olympic gold medalist Marion Jones pleaded guilty Friday to lying about steroid use and also to check fraud charges. There's a lesson here for kids. It's one thing to buy illegal drugs but it's just plain wrong to write the dealer a hot check for them.
Bill Clinton said Friday if his wife is elected she wants him to go around the world and repair America's tarnished reputation. It just might work. Imagine the cheers he would receive as he traveled from country to country sounding the all-clear.
Hillary Clinton claimed credit Friday for passing a children's health care bill that President Clinton signed ten years ago. Ted Kennedy got the bill passed but it was Hillary who persuaded her husband to sign it. She agreed to go out of town more often.
Mikhail Gorbachev was in New Orleans Friday and commented on the Vanity Fair ad he made, which shows him in the back seat of a limo with a Louis Vuitton bag, driving by the Berlin Wall. He said the photographer promised him that the ad would be in good taste. He would never agree to any nudity unless it was important to the story.
Iraq's government placed an order with China Thursday for hundreds of thousands of AK-47 Kalashnikov submachine guns for use by the Iraqi army. These are extremely dangerous weapons. The same people who paint the Barbie dolls paint the Kalashnikovs.
GOP candidate Ron Paul alarmed his party with a huge third-quarter fundraising total, mostly from Internet donors. The anti-war congressman told reporters it's not a top-down campaign, the campaign is really bottom up. Well, he is a gynecologist.
Ron Paul said he's running for president on the humble and non-interventionist foreign policy that President Bush ran on six years ago. The president honestly doesn't know how we wound up attacking Iraq. His trainer told him it was flaxseed oil.
GOP candidate Fred Thompson gave an interview to Radio Iowa Thursday. He warned that the United States can't count on help in Iran from the Soviet Union. It's nice to see that there is one Republican who is not distancing himself from President Bush.
Barack Obama said Thursday he's stopped wearing an American flag lapel pin because he thinks it's become a substitute for true patriotism. He said this in Iowa. Fortunately for him he was wearing a lapel pin that read G-d Bless Ethanol Subsidies.
Florida Democrats filed suit against the national Democratic party on Thursday to force the party to recognize their convention delegates. We know how this will end. No matter who wins the lawsuit, John Edwards gets forty percent of the settlement.
Hillary Clinton widened her lead over her Democratic rivals in the Washington Post poll released Wednesday. The senator likes to keep it real. She just announced that if elected president, she'll be inaugurated on the first really good hair day of 2009.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton