Jewish World Review Oct. 2, 2007 / 20 Tishrei 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | . Nickelodeon blacked out its programming for one day Saturday to get kids to go out and exercise. The network's tired of being blamed for the obesity epidemic. So if you saw the Hostess Blimp flying over your neighborhood Saturday, now you know why.
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is expected to reveal this week that he raised twenty million dollars in the third quarter. Much of it is cash on hand. If Barack Obama were any more flush, Senator Larry Craig would take it as a love call.
Minneapolis Airport lowered the bathroom stall dividers to the floor Friday to discourage flirting. They'll never be able to stop sex in airport men's rooms. Guys figure even if they get caught, the fine is less than three drinks at the airport bar.
Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff flew in to Arizona Friday to oversee border fence construction. He posed for cameras as he welded some of the fence himself. Everyone was just relieved that the tunnel underneath him held, and he didn't fall in.
New York cabs were forced Friday to install credit card machines and global satellite positioning systems. It's part of a campaign to clean-up the image of cabdrivers. In addition, every three thousand miles they are required to change the oil in their hair.
Michael Vick was placed on home confinement by his judge Wednesday for smoking pot as he awaits trial. It took awhile to catch him. He convinced the first three marijuana-sniffing dogs who came into his house that they could have been a contender.
The Los Angeles Dodgers erupted in hostility between rookies and veterans last week. It's chaos. Manager Grady Little would worry about losing his job to someone who could control the Dodger factions, but Saddam Hussein was hanged nine months ago.
The Justice Department indicted four men in Connecticut on Friday for selling steroids on the teen web site MySpace. The men were importing steroid powder from China and making the performance-enhancing drug in their laboratory. How are kids today ever going to learn anything if adults keep doing their science homework for them?
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton