Jewish World Review Oct. 20, 2006 / 28 Tishrei, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The National Football League received a terrorist threat on Wednesday. It was a threat to deploy a radiological dirty bomb during a game Sunday. Terrell Owens immediately demanded to know why he's there if they're not going to throw it to him.
Major League Baseball offered to sell fans caskets with their favorite team's logo on them along with uniforms to be buried in. It gets worse. After the casket has been lowered, a Billy Martin impersonator will kick the dirt back into the grave.
Miami University president Donna Shalala decided not to suspend any players for brawling Saturday. She's just doing her job. When the university hired a Clinton cabinet member they assumed she had world class looking-the-other-way skills.
The London Mail released confidential papers about Sir Paul McCartney saying he used illegal drugs and drank heavily and lunged at his wife with a broken wine glass. The papers were leaked Wednesday. It's his application to the House of Lords.
Bill Clinton called upon Americans to celebrate their religious differences on Wednesday. Evangelicals really appreciate him now. Ever since the Mark Foley scandal, home-school students learn about sex by studying the Clinton administration.
California Democrat Phil Angelides accused Arnold Schwarzenegger Thursday of backing South Africa's apartheid regime. It was a long time ago. At that stage in his career he really had no choice where they were going to film Conan the Barbarian.
The Wall Street Journal poll Wednesday showed sixteen percent of Americans approve of the job Congress is doing. That says something about us as a nation. Sure they are overspending, bribe-taking, Constitution-erasing sheep and shielders of pedophiles but still, one American in six appreciates their entertainment value.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton