Jewish World Review Oct. 18, 2006 / 26 Tishrei, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Census Bureau says America's population hit three hundred million people this week. A baby is born every seven seconds and an illegal alien crosses the border every thirty seconds. The hottest new drink in Los Angeles is Sex on the Run.
The Los Angeles school board named a new superintendent of its decaying school system on Friday. A new poll says fifty percent of teenage boys say you have to cheat to get ahead. It's natural at that age to get tired of dating just one teacher.
Hillary Clinton's office ridiculed John McCain's POW confessions in Hanoi Sunday after he accused her of being soft on North Korea. She was issuing a warning shot. Any Republican who tries to get to the right of her will fall off the edge of the earth.
Saddam Hussein released a letter Monday urging Iraqis to stop fighting among themselves, saying the hour of liberation is coming. You can tell he's facing the death penalty. Predicting victory in Iraq is the surest way of being declared clinically insane.
Missouri's Supreme Court threw out its voter identification law Monday. They said you can't require people to show a photo ID to vote. If we had required a photo ID in the last election we still wouldn't know who'd been elected president of Mexico.
Ivory Coast in Africa was hit with a cocoa growers strike Monday. The farmers are angry about low prices from plummeting demand. Bill Clinton's war on junk food is starving the African continent and now he has to duck Bono's telephone calls.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton