Jewish World Review Oct. 16, 2006 / 24 Tishrei, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Bill Clinton told Democrats in Las Vegas on Thursday that the debate over illegal aliens embarrasses him. People were stunned. The news that something embarrasses Bill Clinton knocked North Korea's nuclear bomb tests completely off the front page.
Southern Californian Adam Gadahn was indicted for treason Wednesday over the Internet videos he made for al-Qaeda as Azzam the American. People remember him as a reclusive boy. In high school he was voted most likely to sell his website to Google.
Mel Gibson discussed his beliefs with Diane Sawyer Friday in a Good Morning America interview. She did an extensive probe of his psyche. It's the grisliest thing to air on morning television since Katie Couric's colonoscopy on the Today Show.
Bob Woodward spent the week promoting State of Denial, his third book about President Bush. He praised the president when his popularity was high and ripped him when his popularity fell. Bob Woodward learned during Watergate to follow the money.
House staffer Kirk Fordham testified he told the Speaker's office about Mark Foley three years ago. At least this investigation is returning money to the taxpayers. Tourists who drop loose change in the Capitol halls don't even think about bending over to pick it up.
Speaker Dennis Hastert predicted Tuesday the GOP will keep its House majority. He held the press conference in front of a Chicago graveyard. The Republicans are so aggressive in this election they are going after Democratic voters where they live.
Darryl Strawberry threw out the first pitch in the New York Mets home opener in the playoffs. They had to make sure he wasn't high. Under the new rules, every ballplayer below fifteen hundred feet must be cleared by air traffic control.
The FDA blamed tainted California cow manure for the bad spinach Friday. Cow manure has three uses in California. It's used in farms for fertilizer, it's used in L.A. to promote movies, and it's used in San Francisco to cover for Barry Bonds.
Indianapolis Pacers player Stephen Jackson was charged Friday for firing his gun in the air five times during a brawl in a strip joint parking lot. His reputation is toast. He's one of the best outside shooters in the game and he didn't hit one person.
Democratic candidate John Edwards held a panel discussion in North Carolina on poverty Thursday. Rural poverty isn't what it used to be. A lot of people may look poor but ten minutes from now their web sites could be purchased by Goober.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton