Jewish World Review Oct. 10, 2006 / 18 Tishrei, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
North Korea detonated an underground nuclear bomb Sunday, triggering a flurry of official reaction worldwide. One president didn't waste any time. Within the hour, Bill Clinton rushed to Malibu without his wife to help out with tsunami relief.
North Korea's nuclear test Sunday interrupted congressmen who were home campaigning for re-election. Not everyone thought it was bad news. Mark Foley e-mailed every underage page on his list to congratulate them for living like there's no tomorrow.
The Food and Drug Administration recalled California lettuce Sunday just one week after the spinach scare. School nutritionists are growing more concerned by the day. Bill Clinton's ban on junk food could wind up starving an entire generation.
Republican pollsters warned Sunday that for the first time in two election cycles, young moms are backing Democrats instead of Republicans. That should surprise no one. It was just a matter of time before the paternity tests came back from the lab.
Democratic Congressman Ed Markey complained Wednesday that the Homeland Security bill doesn't do enough to deter terror attacks. He's worried that it's too easy to destroy chemical plants. Anyone can just walk onto Willie Nelson's balcony and start spraying.
The American Occupational Therapy Association issued a warning to politicians on Wednesday. The group said excessive hand-shaking can lead to injuries. In addition, we've just learned that excessive typing can lead to pedophilia charges.
Congressman Mark Foley checked into alcohol rehab Sunday after he got caught sending sexual text messages to underage boys. His recovery began right away. After a blood test showed no alcohol in his system, the counselors broke his thumbs.
Congressman Mark Foley was reportedly contacted by publishers Tuesday to pen his autobiography. They want him to explain his predilections. The book would cover his whole life, from his days on the playground to his days on the playground.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton