Jewish World Review Oct. 4, 2006 / 12 Tishrei, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Mark Foley quit Congress and sought alcoholism treatment Saturday after he got caught e-mailing underage pages. Drinking may have been the only thing that kept him out of trouble. At least in a bar somebody checks to see if the boys are twenty-one.
The U.S. Senate banned online gambling Friday, forbidding credit card companies from transferring payments for bets. It was their civic duty. Too many children grow up thinking that the three branches of government are the flop, the turn and the river.
Mexico urged President Bush Monday to veto the bill funding a seven-hundred-mile border fence. It's not a done deal. The whole thing could be stopped if the president of Mexico issues a fatwa ordering the citizens of Mexico not to build it.
John Kerry campaigned in Iowa Monday and he called President Bush's national security plan the Katrina of foreign policy. The pharmaceutical companies are working to defeat Kerry. His speeches are beginning to cut into the sales of Ambien.
Mayor Ray Nagin ordered businesses Monday to hire minority-owned contractors to rebuild New Orleans. His strategy is well thought out. He's in competition with Baghdad for the title of city least likely to be rebuilt in the next hundred years.
Roger Clemens denied claims in a federal affidavit that he used performance-enhancing drugs to prolong his career. No one's worked harder to stay in shape than Roger Clemens. You have to be pretty limber to stick a needle in your own butt.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton