
 |
|
May 24, 2013
May 22, 2013
John Thorne:
They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman
May 20, 2013
Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?
Melissa Healy: Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star
The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting
May 13, 2013
Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation
David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church
May 10, 2013
Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
May 8, 2013
Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine
April 29, 2013
Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty
April 24, 2013
|
| |
Jewish World Review
Oct. 1, 2006
/ 9 Tishrei, 5767
Tony Bennett's ready to serenade, but where's mom?
By
Mitch Albom
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
There is a reason why I don't plan surprise parties. I am not very good at them. They're hard to keep secret.
And, with me, they usually backfire.
My most recent attempt came last week. It wasn't really the typical party you know, where everyone jumps out and screams, "Surprise!" and you pray the person doesn't have a coronary but it was close enough.
The occasion was my mother's birthday. Her age, let's just say, is in her 70s. She was in Detroit for a big charity benefit that we did to help the city's homeless. The event, at the Fox Theatre, featured, among other guests, Tony Bennett, one of my mother's favorite singers.
Since the night was tied to a new book ("For One More Day") I wrote about mothers and sons, I was flushed with the family spirit. So I broke my rule. I got this "great" idea for a surprise. (I put the word in quotes because "great" ideas always seem better in your head.) My "great" idea was that at some point during the night, I could somehow get my mother on stage and have Tony Bennett and the whole audience sing her "Happy Birthday."
Yeah, it's corny. But I love my mom.
Why not give her a thrill?
| BUY THE BOOK |
| Click HERE
to purchase it at a discount. (Sales help fund
JWR.).
|
|
So I went through all the planning. I coordinated a secret strategy. I chose the moment, the setting, the key personnel.
Here was how it was supposed to happen. At a "designated" point in the benefit, Tony Bennett would get ready to sing and I would introduce that. At the same time, a "designated" person would take my mother from the audience and lead her backstage. Then I would tell a "designated" funny story from my childhood, finish the story and, by that point, another "designated" person would send my mother out, and I would ask the audience to sing along with Tony in a rousing rendition of the birthday song!
We had it so well-planned.
So we reached the magic moment, near the end of the benefit. And I began to introduce Tony. And the "designated" someone got my mother from her seat and led her backstage.
Except.
Except that designated someone happened to be my wife. And she happened to ask my mother as they were walking backstage, "Do you need to use the bathroom?"
THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE
Now, there are certain questions I have discovered you should never ask a woman. One of them is "Do you need to use the bathroom?" They could have just COME OUT of the bathroom, and if you say, "Do you need to use the bathroom," they will answer, "Well, you know, maybe I should, just in case."
So by now, you probably can figure what happened. I tell the designated story. The audience is primed. Tony Bennett is ready. And I say something like, "Well, today is my mother's birthday and it would be great if we could bring her out here and sing happy birthday to her . . . " and the crowd rose to its feet and I announced, proudly and loudly, "So here she is, my mother . . . "
And nothing.
And the applause continued.
And nothing.
And the applause trickled down.
And nothing.
And then someone yelled and this may have been a relative "She's in the bathroom!"
And we all stood there, open-mouthed. I don't know how much time passed, but it felt long enough for Tony Bennett to retrieve his heart from San Francisco.
And then, just when I was about to start tap dancing, out steps my mother, in no particular hurry, walking across the stage as if she were wandering through a sale section at Bloomingdale's.
And we all sang "Happy Birthday."
And she was very happy.
The moral of the story is, if you are not good at surprises, don't plan them. And if you need to fetch a woman from the audience, don't send another woman. Send Tony Bennett.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment on Mitch's column by clicking here.
Mitch's Archives
© 2006, THE DETROIT FREE PRESS
DISTRIBUTED BY TMS, INC.
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Jay Ambrose
Michael Barone
Barrywood
Lori Borgman
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Richard Z. Chesnoff
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
Christine Flowers
Frank J. Gaffney
Bernie Goldberg
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Argus Hamilton
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Ron Hart
Nat Hentoff
A. Barton Hinkle
Jeff Jacoby
Paul Johnson
Jack Kelly
Ch. Krauthammer
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Ann McFeatters
Dale McFeatters
Dana Milbank
Jeanne Moos
Dick Morris
Jim Mullen
Deroy Murdock
Judge A. Napolitano
Bill O'Reilly
Clarence Page
Kathleen Parker
Star Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Sharon Randall
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Heather Robinson
Debra J. Saunders
Martin Schram
Greg Schwem
Culture Shlock
David Shribman
Roger Simon
Lenore Skenazy
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Ben Stein
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Dan Thomasson
Bob Tyrrell
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
ZeitGeist
Mort Zuckerman

Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Lisa Benson
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
John Branch
John Cole
J. D. Crowe
Matt Davies
John Deering
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Mallard Fillmore
Glenn Foden
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Walt Handelsman
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holbert
David Horsey
Lee Judge
Steve Kelley
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Chan Lowe
Jimmy Margulies
Jack Ohman
Michael Ramirez
Rob Rogers
Drew Sheneman
Kevin Siers
Jeff Stahler
Scott Stantis
Danna Summers
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters
Dan Wasserman

Tech Q&A
Mr. Know-It-All
Ask Doctor K
Richard Lederer
Frugal Living
On Nutrition
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
|