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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
Oct. 14, 2005
/ 11 Tishrei, 5766
Raining on Parade
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Depressed about the state of the world? Imagine how much worse it is for us journalists. Newsrooms tend to be caldrons of despair, since they traffic in crime, disaster and tragedy. (For that reason, newsrooms are famous for their dark, gallows humor, featuring jokes so disgusting, so absent of any trace of compassion, so violative of accepted norms of civilized behavior, that you'd have to conclude we journalists are despicable monsters if not for the obvious fact that it's all just a coping device, owing to our extreme sensitivity and humanitarianism.)
All the misery does eventually get to us, though. And that's why, when I am really melancholic, I daydream about someday working for Parade magazine. At Parade, bad things seldom happen but when they do, it is always for an inspiring reason. Sometimes, it is to create a hero; other times, it is to prove you can recover from bad things and be even happier than ever before. Parade also covers celebrities, many of whom have survived bad things, and are happier than ever before.
Now, critics may charge that Parade is thin and negligible and revoltingly sweet. To these critics I say: Hey, so are those Listerine breath strips, but they do the job, too. Why do you think Parade boasts the highest circulation of any general-interest magazine in the country?
Okay, maybe it is because Parade is virtually given away to any newspaper willing to distribute it. But that's betraying the sort of cynicism that has no place in any discussion of Parade, a magazine that does not know the meaning of the word cynicism. Of course, it doesn't know the meaning of any word of four or more syllables. But that, my friends, is the very secret of its greatness.
See, Parade is not just in newspapers like The Washington Post and the Los Angeles Times. It is also in newspapers with names like the Pokey (Okla.) Okie-Dokey.
That means that the magazine must strive to be accessible not just to the president of the World Bank, but to the president of the ladies' auxiliary of the Pokey (Okla.) chapter of the National Beer, Firearms and Forklift Rodeo Association. So the contents of the magazine can't be too complicated or sophisticated, nor can they be depressing, because Sharleen Mae Dumpfluxter she's the president doesn't go in for that sort of stuff.
So, negativity is out, because everybody must love a Parade. That's why Parade loves everyone and everything. A recent issue featured a story by a guy who went to Iran, and loved it. Sure, there were signs all over calling America "the great Satan," and women were wearing burqas, but they were peeking their heads out from time to time. This article raised hope for religious freedom in Iran, by pointing out that Iran has known religious freedom before, so why not again? The earlier case involved a tolerant king named Cyrus. Cyrus ruled in 529 BC.
This same issue of Parade contained recipes. One was for macaroni and cheese. Another was for a grilled cheese sandwich.
Not that Parade has no intellectual content. It features a weekly column by Marilyn vos Savant, who has billed herself as the smartest person in the world. This allows her to answer questions such as this recent one: Why are actors held in greater esteem than inventors or composers? Her answer: Because actors are better-looking and richer and more famous. (Don't try this at home; Marilyn is said to have an IQ of 230.)
Her column also features a word puzzle, which seems to be written for the entertainment of the entire Dumpfluxter family. The puzzles are all sort of like this:
Q: What do these words have in common? Failure, gasp, brown and corn?
A: If you turn the page upside down, you can't read them as easily.
And, lastly, there is the cover story. In the issue I am looking at, the cover story is about cancer. Well, not really. It is about how Olivia Newton-John survived cancer, and is stronger and happier for having done so. The entire cover story is five paragraphs long, and in it Olivia reveals exclusively to Parade that she feels "very, very lucky."
She is not asked about the fact that her longtime lover had recently disappeared during a fishing trip and is presumed dead.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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