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Jewish World Review Oct. 3, 2005 / 29 Elul, 5765 Bringing back the dinner hour By Ruben Navarrette Jr.
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Maybe you're one of those parents who is working double shifts, stashing away money, or doing without some of the comforts in life in order to give your children what you never had.
But what if it turns out that what your kids need most doesn't have a price? What if what will do your kids the most good in life is something you had growing up, but they have yet to experience — something as simple, and as elusive, as the family dinner hour?
You may recall the concept. That was when mom and dad would come home from work at a preset and decent hour (or, if you think back far enough, when dad would come home and mom was already there), and the kids would come in from playing. Then everyone would make it a point to gather together at the dinner table. After saying grace and passing the food, parents and children would spend 60 minutes or so catching up on one another's day and activities.
At that table, the individual faded away and everything revolved around the family. And there was no television blaring in the background. That sort of distraction would have defeated the purpose, which was to encourage conversations, debates, and even friendly arguments between parents and children or between children and their siblings.
That's how I experienced the phenomenon of the dinner hour while I was growing up in the early 1970s. And, yet, just 30 years later, the whole idea somehow seems quaint.
And that's just sad. Not to mention harmful to our society. The dinner table is a child's first and most effective classroom. It is where children learn values and manners and social skills. It is where they learn to listen, to interact with others, and to not interrupt one another or speak with their mouths full.
And, the research would suggest, the dinner table is also where children learn right from wrong. According to a recent study from Columbia University, teenagers who have dinner with their families at least five times a week — when compared to teenagers who don't — are 42 percent less likely to experiment with alcohol, 59 percent less likely to smoke cigarettes, and 66 percent less likely to try marijuana. Those who experience the dinner hour are also about 40 percent more likely to get A's and B's in school.
Other studies have found that children and teenagers who have regular dinners with their families experience other positive benefits — from enhancing their communication abilities to being less likely to develop eating disorders or harmful eating habits.
My sense is that there are not many people who would argue with the idea that family dinners are important and may even play a central role in the positive development of children.
The problem is that too many Americans seem to be resigning themselves to the fact that the family dinner hour has gone the way of black-and-white television. That's understandable. In this nonstop society of ours — where there never seems to be enough time, and where more people spend more of their lives on freeways commuting to and from work, and where soccer practice and ballet recitals eat up afternoons and weekends — getting a whole family to drop everything and come together every day at a set time is no small accomplishment.
It's not only about people having less time. Just because the members of a family make it home in time to have dinner together doesn't mean they will actually have dinner together, or, if they do, that they'll take anything away from the experience. Teenagers might prefer to eat in their room or go out with their friends. Or parents, exhausted after a long day, might just want to come home and not talk to anyone — even their own children.
Of course, the idea of families having dinner together more often isn't a cure for everything that ails us as a society. There is still a lot of work to be done on many other fronts.
But it's a good, clean start. It's a way for parents to regain some influence over their children and how they behave. It's a way to re-establish the dinner table as a place where values are imparted and lessons learned. And it's a nice tradition worth resurrecting.
Now, what's for dinner?
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Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
