Jewish World Review Oct. 31, 2005 / 28 Tishrei, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Laura Bush on Friday warned that risky behaviors like drugs
and sex and alcohol and violence and smoking are the top causes of
disease and death among young people. She is absolutely right.
They are also the top causes of nostalgia among older people.
Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad drew worldwide
condemnation Wednesday when he called for the extinction of
Israel. He's courting disaster. President Bush may be out of
troops but he can still send in FEMA and reduce any country to rubble.
The Arkansas Supreme Court ruled Thursday that the Bill
Clinton Presidential Library is eligible for a three million
dollar tax break. It's not completely non-commercial. The pavilion
devoted to his second term is sponsored by Nine Lives.
Newsweek warned Monday that Arctic migratory birds could carry bird flu into America. We're prepared. Randy Johnson was once denounced for accidentally killing a dove when it flew into one of his fastballs and now he's our first line of defense.
The Chicago White Sox swept the Houston Astros on Wednesday to win the World Series in four games. There were no losers. The next day the city of Houston threw a ticker tape parade for the victorious executives of Exxon Mobil Corporation.
Floridians waited in six-hour gas lines with no ice or water Wednesday after Hurricane Wilma. Everyone is miserable. People in Florida have stopped making fun of mobile homes because one more inch of rain and they will all be mobile homes.
President Bush returns to work Monday reeling from Hurricane Wilma, the Harriet Miers fiasco, the war and indictments. The White House is already taking action to get things back on track. They've decided to stop allowing Saddam Hussein to pray.
Harriet Miers withdrew her Supreme Court nomination on Thursday after a poor performance in her interviews with individual senators. She wasn't able to promote herself. In Los Angeles that's known to be the first symptom of Alzheimer's Disease.
Omar Sharif punched a Guatemalan parking attendant in Beverly Hills last June after the guy refused to take a Euro in payment. Sharif called him a stupid Mexican and socked him in the face. Now of course there's a lawsuit and Omar Sharif is leading Arnold Schwarzenegger eighty-five to fifteen in the latest poll for governor.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton