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Jewish World Review
Oct. 20, 2005
/ 17 Tishrei, 5766
New super-tiny ipod is implanted directly into the brain
By
Andy Borowitz
100 Million Americans Could Be Hardwired for Sound By 2008, Says Jobs
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
At company headquarters in Cupertino, California today, Apple Computer CEO Steve Jobs introduced a new IPod so tiny that it can be implanted directly into the human brain.
The IPod MicroT becomes fused to the central nervous system through a simple non-invasive surgical procedure that can be performed in any doctor's office or at any Apple store, Mr. Jobs said.
The Apple CEO, who last week became the first to have the IPod MicroT implanted into his brain, showed how music can be downloaded via a USB port discreetly located on the back of his neck.
Mr. Jobs said that the MicroT can store up to 2800 songs and that the tracks can be shuffled by blinking one's eyes or nodding one's head, making it possible to listen to music in a classroom or at the office without anyone else knowing it.
He demonstrated by rocking out to the song "Let's Get It Started" by The Black Eyed Peas, declaring the sound quality inside his head "awesome."
While Mr. Jobs said that as many as 100 million Americans could be hardwired for sound by 2008, Sony Corporation CEO Sir Howard Stringer served notice that his company was rolling out a new, super-tiny PlayStation PortableT that could also be implanted directly into the brain.
"There's a lot of room in the average American's head and we intend to fight for every square inch of it," Sir Howard told reporters.
Elsewhere, thousands lined up to buy Powerball tickets when lottery officials announced that the grand prize would be a full tank of gas.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2005, Andy Borowitz
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