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Jewish World Review
Oct. 17, 2005
/ 14 Tishrei, 5766
Kim Jong-Il names non-madman to succeed him
By
Andy Borowitz
Critics Question Qualifications of Sane Nominee
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
North Korean madman Kim Jong-Il created a firestorm of controversy today by naming a non-madman to succeed him as president, prompting critics to question whether his nominee possessed the qualifications to replace one of the world's most insane leaders.
At a press conference in Pyongyang, the mercurial Kim introduced his hand-picked successor, Kyung Hwa Chim, who has been his personal chef for the past thirty-five years.
But even as a beaming Kim praised his nominee's credentials, critics combed Chim's record looking for any evidence of insanity and came up empty, causing many to wonder if the seemingly sane Chim was truly qualified for the job.
Speaking on condition of anonymity for fear of being thrown into the core of a nuclear reactor, one such critic said, "With all of the insane people in Kim's government, why would you pick a non-lunatic with no madman experience whatsoever?"
For his part, Kim told reporters today that madman experience was "overrated" and that he believed that his personal chef was the best choice: "I am fully confident that as President of North Korea, Kyung Hwa Chim will be capable of making totally unhinged, loony decisions."
He acknowledged, however, that being a madman had been as asset to him during his own tenure in the job.
"You don't have to be crazy to be President of North Korea," he said, "but it helps."
Elsewhere, angry New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said he would launch an internal investigation to determine which players were not taking their steroids during the team's recent playoff loss to the Los Angeles Angels.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2005, Andy Borowitz
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