Thursday

March 28th, 2024

Satire

Some reviews of the first line of the first chapter of Hillary's 'What Happened'

Alexandra Petri

By Alexandra Petri The Washington Post

Published Sept. 18, 2017

Zuckerberg

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."- Friedrich Nietzsche (and Kelly Clarkson)

(opening of "Showing Up," the first chapter of "What Happened," Hillary Clinton's new book on the election)

This book is trying too hard.

If you rearrange the words in these sentences it doesn't spell "Benghazi" but I think that, in and of itself, is EXTREMELY TELLING.

This font is not right.

No one would question the font that a man used to type these words, and I can't believe that Hillary Clinton is being subjected to it.

This is just what I imagine Leslie Knope's book would have been like. Already, it is like a cool drink of water in the wilderness, a wilderness where Clinton has been diligently fighting rogue clowns for us for the past several months. I am grateful for her every day.

I'm sorry, but after the second word I blanked out and went straight back to election night, and all I can hear is the sound of sobbing and unused confetti and balloons falling wetly from an unbroken glass ceiling onto a tear-soaked ballroom floor and nothing will ever be all right ever again.

Why isn't this just an unprintable expletive in ALL CAPS that takes up an entire page? This doesn't feel strong enough.

When I read this sentence, I burst into tears. When my daughter is old enough, I'm going to read it to her. These are the words of a woman who should have been our president, and not a day goes by that I don't think about that fact with regret. If you ever want to run again, I am still with you, as my numerous bumper stickers say. Your logo was great, by the way, if you're reading this. I hope you are, somewhere. I always hope so.

These words are okay but I wish they had been attributed to Bernie Sanders, who is sincere and good. Clinton is insincere and bad.

Kelly Clarkson in fact said "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Hillary Clinton is out of touch with today's youth, as ever.

Yas, Khaleesi!

I know this review is not the place but I don't know where else to post about my general confusion that Pantsuit Nation is still so active.

Clear proof that Hillary Clinton is SICK and on the verge of death.


AFTER EVERYTHING KATY PERRY SACRIFICED TO CAMPAIGN FOR YOU, HOW COULD YOU DARE TO START A BOOK WITH ANYTHING BUT A KATY PERRY QUOTE?

I want to hear from Hillary Clinton in her own words, not Nietzche's words.

This is no "Dreams From My Father."

I didn't like this very much, but I know that was because of internalized sexism.

Too rehearsed.

I already have all the proof I need that Hillary Clinton secretly orchestrated every bad thing that has befallen the country in the course of her lifetime, including but not limited to JFK's assassination, 9/11 and that time when a swarm of bees flew onto the White House lawn and terrified some children President Barack Obama was reading to.

This sentence reminded me that Hillary Clinton voted for the Iraq War.

This is the old Hillary Clinton.

I just realized it's been almost a year since I had to hear "Fight Song." Oh no, now it is stuck in my head again. I am going to throw this book out of a window, just for reminding me of that abomination.

I miss the debates.

She should start the book by apologizing abjectly for everything that went wrong, not with this nonsense quote.

Nietzsche and Kelly Clarkson, really? This doesn't sound unlike everything that is wrong with white feminism.

In this sentence, Hillary Clinton makes light of the situations of thousands of hard-working Americans who weren't killed but in fact were NOT made stronger by the ordeals they suffered. She should apologize.

This quote should have been from Wisconsin.

This seems like something Hillary Clinton would say to Wall Street for money.

BENGHAZI

How typical that in order for Kelly Clarkson to get her words taken seriously, she has to attribute them to a man. I am fired up with indignation already!

Didn't apologize enough.

Too apologetic.

EMAILS

Maybe instead of blaming Nietzche, Hillary Clinton should blame herself.

This book just reminds me that we live in the world where all these things happened and I don't like that one bit.

Already blaming too much on sexism and not enough on herself.

Where is the apology to Bernie Sanders and the mention of the DNC's complicity? This isn't a good look.

Did we need this? Why is this happening? Who asked for this?

Could this be the pivot we have long been waiting for? Already, this is a more presidential tone than we have been seeing from the commander in chief so far. Oh no, was this Hillary Clinton's book? I am sorry, it has been a long week, and I got confused.

"Crooked Hillary Clinton blames everybody (and every thing) but herself for her election loss. She lost the debates and lost her direction!"

Wrong author.



Previously:


08/22/17 Great American Eclipse: Winners and Losers
08/15/17 I am sorry for killing everything: A millennial's confession
08/07/17 I am not running for president; I just want to meet every cow and Iowan
01/31/17 All the Mooch that's fit to print
04/16/17 Sean Spicer would like to clarify his clarification of his clarification
03/06/17 The world's most forgettable man
12/14/16 Beyond Pizzagate: These are the real conspiracies
08/29/16 A transcript of Hillary's disastrous debate prep
08/15/16 Hillary Clinton's late-night panic
08/01/16 What Hillary really meant to say on her historic night
07/18/16 Pokemon Go, an honest review
06/27/16 Keep calm and --- what the heck just happened?
06/09/16 Hillary Clinton's victory speech, translated
06/01/16 Why isn't Hillary fun and trustworthy?
05/22/16 Games people rig, by Bernie Sanders
05/16/16: What really happened at the Trump-Ryan meeting
03/28/16: I, Cthulhu, endorse Donald Trump
03/21/16: Yes, I love puns. Stop saying it's a disease
03/14/16: Donald Trump's Gettysburg Infomercial
03/11/16: The Miami debate was Hillary's personal nightmare
03/03/16: Chris Christie's wordless screaming
02/29/16: But seriously, how do we turn this Donald Trump thing off?
02/19/16: Donald Trump for pope
02/15/16: What really happens at a Dem debate
02/01/16: Barbie is past saving
01/25/16: For the love of all that is holy, save small talk
01/20/16: Sean Penn meets the Almighty
01/05/16: 'Said' is not dead. Save boring words!

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