• Mike Pence praised the spontaneous outbreak of Texas heroes rescuing each other during the floods. Now that it's receding one thing is clear. Forget Confederate generals just for a moment, Texas needs to erect a statue honoring the random average dude with a bass boat.
• Los Angeles was under a flash-flood warning Thursday as massive thunderheads rolled in off the desert and collided with triple-digit heat. It's exasperating. Can't Houston enjoy one week of uninterrupted media coverage without L.A. jumping in front of the camera like a jealous Kardashian?
• New York City Mayor DeBlasio announced he's considering renaming Columbus Circle and taking down the statue of Christopher Columbus to assuage Native Americans. The left never relaxes. Next they're going to demand that Fifth Avenue be taken down because it offends alcoholics.
• Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin on Thursday refused to commit to the Obama directive that changed the portrait on the twenty-dollar bill to Harriet Tubman. One thing's for sure. If Harriet Tubman's on the twenty, she's going to see a lot more snow than she ever did working on the railroad.
• Department of Transportation said Labor Day weekend traffic fatalities are forecast to be at a ten-year high. They said one in four car accidents involve drinking and driving. So this weekend, watch out for anybody who's not drinking, because they cause three-fourths of all the car wrecks.
• The New York City Council voted to raise local tobacco taxes once again on Tuesday and now a pack of cigarettes in the Big Apple will cost thirteen dollars. They've done it. It's been a long road and it's taken thirty years, but the Democrats have finally managed to make crack cost-effective.
• Texas Governor Greg Abbott said he was deeply moved by all the corporate help Houston is receiving in flood relief. It's the American way. Anheuser-Busch sent forty-two thousand cans of clean drinking water to flood victims in Houston in specially marked containers marked Coors Lite.
• Hurricane Harvey meandered to Louisiana before spinning up toward New York. This is what happens when you name a hurricane after a man. He won't ask for directions, wanders around lost, leaves a huge mess, doesn't clean up after himself, and leaves you for another city after ravaging you.
• Texas officials and insurance executives estimated Hurricane Harvey may have done at least sixty billion dollars worth of damage to the Gulf Coast. It's a start. Once flood damages make it into the trillions of dollars, they are going to start naming the hurricanes after Members of Congress.
• The Federal Emergency Management Agency reported to the White House on Wednesday that Hurricane Harvey in just over five days and nights after making landfall has forced over twenty two-thousand Americans to take shelter. Is that all? Just wait until Kim Jung Un gets his act together.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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