Focus on fashion really wears on him

In honor of Fashion Week, which as I write is underway in New York City, let me describe how I prepare in the morning for another busy day at the word factory.

After the ritual ablutions — the shower, shave and shampoo — I stand about in a state of undress and indecision, pondering what ensemble I shall treat my fellow workers to today.

Actually, the words "ensemble" and "myself" are never linked in the same thought. If I should turn up to work in an ensemble, my colleagues have permission to shoot me — although, being liberals, they may just give me a good sulking.

Instead, I just try to put on a few things that are not such a collision of colors that they fail to pass muster with my Significant Fashion Other.

"I know," I say to myself, "I'll put on a blue shirt." In fact, I put on a blue shirt almost every day. Then I put on a pair of khaki pants, also worn regularly, and dark socks — sometimes actually matching and also predictable.

Then I pick a tie from the range of choices the Significant Fashion Other finds detestable. Today I chose the red one with the little fishes, because in moments of madness I indulge the idea that I am a fisherman. Not that the fish have noticed. Brown loafers — all the better to loaf in — complete my not-an-ensemble-please outfit.

If the day calls for greeting guests at the office, I put on a blue blazer, which is a sort of uniform for editorial writers, being the exact halfway point between the formality of a suit and the informality of jockstrap and sandals. Indeed, if you see a man wearing a blue blazer, he may or may not be a professional pontificator, but it's best to play it safe and not ask his opinion about anything.

Which brings me back to the subject of Fashion Week — which, of course, being a blue blazer wearer, I have an opinion on.

I believe I speak for thousands of drably dressed Americans when I say that no event in human experience has less relevance to daily living.

Perhaps a symposium of truthers and birthers might come close, although with less glamour.

Not that I am against Fashion Week. I understand that fashion is an industry and every industry has its galas — even journalism. In Pittsburgh, we have the Golden Quills awards banquet.

Talk about glamour! Yes, very little is involved, as you might expect at an event that I attend. There are the print journalists who are too homely for radio, the radio journalists who are too homely for television and the TV journalists who scrub up pretty well, one has to admit.

But it's not quite the runway and everybody calling each other "darling."

Just as well. If I were to attend Fashion Week, I'd bring some spare sandwiches to toss to the models.

I personally don't see what is so attractive about women who couldn't give anyone a cuddle without fear of cracking a rib.

And how about an occasional smile, ladies? I know it can't be much fun teetering along on high heels, one foot in front of the other, while wearing bizarre outfits only Lady Gaga could love.

But think of your good fortune — you are not so homely you have to work at a newspaper — and smile.

Of course, men are also involved in Fashion Week. I understand the hipster look is now very big for fashionable men — tight pants, short hair and large beard and mustache like a friendly opossum clinging to the face. Each to his own, but this is not something I would change my ensemble for. Assuming I had one.

That said, Fashion Week is mostly an enterprise aimed at marketing clothes to the large female market. Apparently, the ideas born in Fashion Week eventually shed their initial absurdity and become clothes real women might wear in real life.

Thus do women become more fashion-conscious. This is probably how my Significant Fashion Other became such a know-it-all.

It is odd that men should be the ones who are usually the birds of a drab feather and often feel no need to look fashionable.

I put it down to men, with their pot bellies and receding hairlines, being so darned naturally attractive they need no other adornment.

But ZZ Top did sing that "every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man." Hmm. Perhaps Fashion Week is worth more attention.

Comment by clicking here.

Reg Henry is deputy editorial-page editor for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.