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Jewish World Review Sept. 8, 2011 / 8 Elul, 5771 Light up your lottery tickets, pass the Hopium By John Kass
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Despite his disastrous poll numbers, things could be even worse for President Barack Obama.
So before we dwell on his political problems leading up to his speech Thursday before Congress, let's think him some happy thoughts.
Let's light up a state lottery ticket and use it as a match to fire up one of the last remaining bowls of Hopium in America.
One thing Obama has going for him is the nature of his opponents. Most Republican candidates insist that America can fight wars without raising taxes to pay for them, and they refuse to talk about cutting the military.
In this, they resemble those goofy bobblehead dolls passed out at ballparks. But as their heads wobble, Obama keeps his fixed with laserlike precision on the teleprompter before him.
The man might not know how to stimulate an economy — or buy real estate without asking Tony Rezko — but he sure can read a teleprompter.
Even Obama's Republican enemies know there's no one as smooth ashe. So what will be in his political speech?
I figure the president from Chicago — with all those City Hall types crouching around him — will revert to a tried-but-true, big-city Democratic machine political solution:
Print oodles of federal money and throw it at powerful interest groups. And which groups?
The bridge contractors and asphalt kings and the road builders, the heavy equipment renters of bulldozers and the no-necks who buy and sell concrete for America's highways.
My crystal ball tells me he'll unveil the Obama Jobs Program, rather than a whoozda-guy-who-getzda-subcontracts program, but here's hoping that investigative reporters start knocking on the door of Illinois Republican and U.S. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood to see a list of the colorful subcontractors.
I wonder how many of them know their way around Chicago?
Can't you picture them meeting quietly in a mahogany-paneled boardroom on LaSalle Street, near City Hall, watching Obama's speech on a big plasma TV.
I imagine men of respect in dark suits, with pitchers of ice water set out before them on a gleaming conference table. Also on the table are a few bowls of fruit and nuts, and naturally they've brought their own nutcrackers.
"I toljas he unnerstands politics," one of the guys might say, tossing some cracked nuts into his mouth, and the others would nod sagely.
And some bright whippersnapper-of-a-historian just might call it Obama's "Pinkie Ring Speech" in recognition of the key constituencies.
The president also has another thing going for him. He hasn't been completely abandoned by the news media that helped elect him.
To know this, all you had to do was scan the news coverage of his Labor Day tuneup speech in Detroit.
"We're going to see if congressional Republicans can put country before party," he told more than 10,000 union members. Just like a guy who'd never put his party before country.
But what wasn't mentioned in many of the news accounts was that Teamster union boss Jimmy Hoffa (the living one) was Obama's opening act. As Hoffa warmed up the crowd, Hoffa redefined civility in politics.
"We got to keep an eye on the battle that we face: the war on workers. And you see it everywhere, it is the tea party. And you know, there is only one way to beat and win that war. …
"President Obama, this is your army. We are ready to march. … Everybody here has got a vote. If we go back, we keep the eye on the prize, let's take these son of a bitches out and give America back to an America where we belong."
Take these son of a bitches out?
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. You might have been standing in Michigan, but that's so the Chicago Way, isn't it?
What would happen if a fiscal conservative said something half as dumb while warming up a crowd before a Ron Paul speech?
It would lead network news. And prize-winning essayists would sigh at the knuckle draggers and appear on "The Today Show" to bemoan the anger in our politics, perhaps even racism. And Matt Lauer would wag his finger full of gravitas and bite his lips in frustration.
But since taking out "these son of a bitches" benefits Obama, oh, we'll just forget about it.
After listing all those positives for the president, there is one negative. It wasn't on the list of leading economic indicators, but it did make news recently in USA Today.
The newspaper reported that across the country, state lottery ticket sales have increased and that 17 states set all-time records.
These include key political states, including Pennsylvania and Ohio. Illinois was also among the 17, with a 3 percent increase.
And that doesn't count the new Chicago-owned casino, where government bets against its own people.
The old state lottery model was that only the poorest of the poor wasted their money on lottery tickets. But that's changed. If you buy gas, you'll see desperate middle-class men and women, people who drive sedans, buying tickets.
Once, they'd drop a dollar for a ticket and joke about sharing the winnings with the attendant. But they don't joke anymore. They buy their tickets quietly and drive off chewing their guts out with worry, just like all of us.
So light all the lottery tickets you wish, light them like candles against economic darkness. And smoke whatever Hopium remains in your bowls.
But when Americans buy lottery tickets for economic salvation, it means one thing: The president is in the kind of trouble that no speech can fix.
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John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.
© 2011, Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services. |
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